Squarespace Blog / "parenting"
Mentoring Mondays: Im Your Dad
Hey guys! Welcome to a new segment called Mentoring Mondays... I was talking to one of my best buds adam the other night... thinking about how he MUST do a Swinger Sunday for me since he is such a great writer... but that turned into more and next thing we knew we were planning a weekly segment on my wide open Monday... ALLL about Adam's journey through fatherhood. And who knows, maybe we will even get Aymee to share a week or two! I love you both SO much and little Maddie too... thanks for sharing with my readers and I... even though we're so far away... it will be like we've been there all along... :) p.s. you can find his blog here... follow him :)Mentoring Mondays Teaching you to be a lady while you teach me to be a dad.
I’m your dad. Hi Madeline. You don’t know me. Hell, you don’t even know your own name. (BTW it’s Madeline.) But I’m your dad and by rights, in four and a half months I’ll be one of the two biggest influences in your life. While I may just be “daddy” to you, that title means I’ll be engaged in a 24/7 job of raising you and somehow having to make it look seamless and effortless. Don’t get me wrong; I welcome the challenge and the most rewarding part will be watching you grow from a helpless baby into an intelligent and confident woman. There’s so many things I want to show you and tell you. I suppose I have all of your life and the rest of mine to show and tell but let’s get two biggies up front. These aren’t rules for you. Those will come plenty soon enough. Rather, these are constant variables. Just like a science experiment. I know you don’t know what science is yet but just bear with your old man for a sec.
Constant One: I’ll always love you.The unconditional love between a parent and their child is the most pure emotion in the world. The reason why is that both parent and child start with clean slates towards each other. I haven’t wronged you and, until your first loaded diaper, you haven’t wronged me. And even the whole diaper thing isn’t really your fault. I, along with your mother…and I suppose by proxy, the doctor, will be the first people you meet. And essentially for your early years, I and your mother will be the only people you’ll know. I’ll feed you and read you books and make funny faces just to make you laugh. I’ll rock you to sleep and sing you songs. As you get bigger I’ll buy you a bike and teach you to ride it. When you get even older I’ll teach you to drive. As these events unfold, you’re bound to make mistakes. And that’s okay, Maddie. Everyone makes mistakes. My job as a parent is to help you learn from them. You’ll leave your bike out and I’ll tell you to bring it in. And if you take after your mother’s driving habits, you’re probably going to get in a car accident or three and I’ll tell you to pay more attention. And you’re likely to think ill of me during these moments but they only exist because I love you and know that you can learn from what happened. Through it all, I’ll always love you and I’ll always be your dad.
Constant Two: You can come to me for anything.And when I say “anything,” I mean ANYTHING. I will always listen to you. While you’re a baby I’ll happily listen to you babble. When you get older, feel free to come to me so we can converse about Big Bird or Yo Gabba Gabba or anything at all that your beautiful mind wants to talk about. I’m always your ear. Full disclosure: the secondary reasoning for this whole “come talk to me” stuff is for when you’re a teenager. Things can get pretty hairy in your teens, and I’m not just talking about your body. (Any excess body hair you might experience is all my fault. Sorry kiddo.) You and your friends/boyfriends/girlfriends are going to be turning into adults. Your hormones and emotions will be going bat-shit and you’re going to often feel like a pinball bouncing around all corners of a pinball machine. Sucky as it is, it’s all normal. “What,” you ask? “This is normal?! This sucks!” Yeah Maddie I know it sucks. That’s why I’m here. To help keep BS to a minimum and to help you stay your course. And I’ll never ever tell you “Because I said so.”
Constant Three: I’ll never ever say “Because I told you so!”I mean, let’s face it. It’s a weak come-back. It says “I don’t have a good reason for saying ‘no.’ I just don’t want you to do whatever it is you‘re about to do.” If I do or don’t want you to do something, I will always give you a valid reason why or why not. This is so I can always treat you as someone who has the ability to make their own decision about something. Now I may not always agree with your decision and may try to direct you to more harmonious endeavors, as I stated above, part of parenting is helping you learn from mistakes. That said, I’m not going to let you play a game of Russian Roulette. Why? Not because I told you so. Because I would’ve already told you that Russian Roulette is a very dangerous game where the best you can hope for is to still be alive afterwards and the worst that can happen is that you’ll share a death amongst all Arkansas rednecks; one that starts with the sentence “Hey y’all! Watch this!” Bottom line is: I’ll always give you a reason for my decision.
Well Madeline, that about does it for your dad. We have plenty of time to go over this stuff again and this isn’t a test. This is your life. I’m committed to seeing it be a great one. I’ll always be here for you. I haven’t even met you yet and you’re the love of my life. I love you Maddie.
-Your Dad
Singer Sunday - "It Takes a Village"
This week for Swinger Sunday - meet Andrea! Andrea Maciula-Peters is the owner of Little Squigglers, Inc. and proud wife and mommy to Chris & Ainsley Jane.
Before I was a parent I always heard the phrase, “it takes a village” in reference to raising children but I never really believed it. Now that my daughter is ten months old, I believe the phrase and follow it! My parents and brother live in the same town we do and they often visit my daughter, her grandfather visits daily, and stay active in her life. This past week my husband has left to visit his dying grandmother and we had to stay behind. Cleaning, shopping and cooking with a crawling explorer has been quite a feat. I miss having my husband to rely upon during these times of daily rituals, however it's nice to be able to call my parents or my brother and have them help out.
(My granny was in the hospital when I was giving birth for another injured hip but she still came to see us)
But what happens when we are older. Why does the village mentality leave our minds once our relatives are no longer cute. My husband visiting his dying grandmother made me think of the tasks that now lay in the hands of his family. My own grandmother will be 94 in April and her doctors have determined that she is ready for hospice. My grandfather passed away over 3 years ago and she has been “ready” to die ever since. She has been living in a retirement home, the nicest in town, but still it's so lonely. I always feel so helpless when we visit her, like it’s never enough. The one time I did have to really help her, I felt scared and thrown off guard. Why are we not prepared to take care of the elderly?
I’ve been writing this one piece in bits and pieces all week and Grandma Peters did pass away, very peacefully surrounded by her loved ones. It was the way she wanted. She didn’t have to go through the agony my grandmother has, which brings me back to elderly care. It’s easy to offer to take care of a cute baby, but when someone asks you to visit their elderly relative it’s not so easy.
(Chris' grandparents and Ainsley)
Did you see the movie Benjamin Button? That is exactly where my daughter and grandmother are. Although, my daughter is starting to pass my grandmother. Ainsley is crawling, walking with help, eating on her own, baby talking, reading to herself, and even can play alone for a few minutes without being too distracted. My grandmother used to be this eloquent women whom I loved to listen to, she could always lighten up a room with her comments. Now she struggles to get out the correct words and frustration sets in. She no longer walks and seems to be in constant pain. The village needs to move in and let hospice help but her sons have the power, not me.
So what about single parenting, I have found a new respect for military families, single parents, and widows/widowers. No wonder they are tired and ragged all the time! I want this blog to inspire you to reach out and help someone. Whether it be a single parent, elderly person, or your neighbor that seems to be lonely. Humans are social creatures and if they aren’t asked about their day, smiled at, waved to, cooked for, helped to cross the street, and received some sort of acknowledgment they will be very lonely.
So if you know someone that just had a baby, take them some food. If you know an old lady bring her one of your old magazines and say hello for five minutes. If your neighbor is screaming at his kids again, see if he needs a five minute break and play tag with them or color the sidewalk with chalk. I know you are probably tired and overworked but suck it up, spread some love, and you’ll be glad you did. Overall, if your village has dwindled build it up again! By spreading joy to others you yourself will feel sustained!
(my brother, his daughter, my Granny, Ainsley, Me, and my dad)
Me again - So sorry to hear about your loss doll... i know that feeling all too well. As im sure we all do... and i totally relate to your "takes a village" statement too. I was raised by so many people. Such a huge family always willing to do their share and teach me a lesson or two. It makes for very balanced people. Now sadly, we live in California and our only family here is our little family of four... its hard. REALLY hard. I really miss my village. Thanks for sharing with us this week.
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Before I was a parent I always heard the phrase, “it takes a village” in reference to raising children but I never really believed it. Now that my daughter is ten months old, I believe the phrase and follow it! My parents and brother live in the same town we do and they often visit my daughter, her grandfather visits daily, and stay active in her life. This past week my husband has left to visit his dying grandmother and we had to stay behind. Cleaning, shopping and cooking with a crawling explorer has been quite a feat. I miss having my husband to rely upon during these times of daily rituals, however it's nice to be able to call my parents or my brother and have them help out.
(My granny was in the hospital when I was giving birth for another injured hip but she still came to see us)
But what happens when we are older. Why does the village mentality leave our minds once our relatives are no longer cute. My husband visiting his dying grandmother made me think of the tasks that now lay in the hands of his family. My own grandmother will be 94 in April and her doctors have determined that she is ready for hospice. My grandfather passed away over 3 years ago and she has been “ready” to die ever since. She has been living in a retirement home, the nicest in town, but still it's so lonely. I always feel so helpless when we visit her, like it’s never enough. The one time I did have to really help her, I felt scared and thrown off guard. Why are we not prepared to take care of the elderly?
I’ve been writing this one piece in bits and pieces all week and Grandma Peters did pass away, very peacefully surrounded by her loved ones. It was the way she wanted. She didn’t have to go through the agony my grandmother has, which brings me back to elderly care. It’s easy to offer to take care of a cute baby, but when someone asks you to visit their elderly relative it’s not so easy.
(Chris' grandparents and Ainsley)
Did you see the movie Benjamin Button? That is exactly where my daughter and grandmother are. Although, my daughter is starting to pass my grandmother. Ainsley is crawling, walking with help, eating on her own, baby talking, reading to herself, and even can play alone for a few minutes without being too distracted. My grandmother used to be this eloquent women whom I loved to listen to, she could always lighten up a room with her comments. Now she struggles to get out the correct words and frustration sets in. She no longer walks and seems to be in constant pain. The village needs to move in and let hospice help but her sons have the power, not me.
So what about single parenting, I have found a new respect for military families, single parents, and widows/widowers. No wonder they are tired and ragged all the time! I want this blog to inspire you to reach out and help someone. Whether it be a single parent, elderly person, or your neighbor that seems to be lonely. Humans are social creatures and if they aren’t asked about their day, smiled at, waved to, cooked for, helped to cross the street, and received some sort of acknowledgment they will be very lonely.
So if you know someone that just had a baby, take them some food. If you know an old lady bring her one of your old magazines and say hello for five minutes. If your neighbor is screaming at his kids again, see if he needs a five minute break and play tag with them or color the sidewalk with chalk. I know you are probably tired and overworked but suck it up, spread some love, and you’ll be glad you did. Overall, if your village has dwindled build it up again! By spreading joy to others you yourself will feel sustained!
(my brother, his daughter, my Granny, Ainsley, Me, and my dad)
Me again - So sorry to hear about your loss doll... i know that feeling all too well. As im sure we all do... and i totally relate to your "takes a village" statement too. I was raised by so many people. Such a huge family always willing to do their share and teach me a lesson or two. It makes for very balanced people. Now sadly, we live in California and our only family here is our little family of four... its hard. REALLY hard. I really miss my village. Thanks for sharing with us this week.
Wordless Wednesday Eco @ the park
it's no secret that we lovvvve barley and birch... I snapped this photo with my iPhone yesterday at the park and just love it. Zaverys flowing hair... Adorable shirt...and running through the air, lol ... Pretty awesome shot if I must say so myself :)
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Swinger Sunday - "The Songs Never Sung"
This week for Swinger Sunday - meet Alisha from The Rockstar Mom Way.
When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, the first thing he did was write our new baby a song. It just seemed right. Natural. Now, almost 10 years and 3 more children later, we have 4 distinct baby songs, all of which we never sing.
When I first heard Mark sing Johnathan “His” song, while still safe in my belly, I imagined us singing it to him everynight. But we never did. Instead, Mark wrote a lullaby called “Smile for Me”, which we sang both of our boys (they were born 20 months apart) to sleep. The same went for each and every song Mark wrote our children while in utero.
The songs weren’t even recorded. We talk about recording them all the time, but instead, they sit, unrecorded, just lyrics on whatever was around when Mark became inspired. Johnathan’s song was written on the back of a Blockbuster receipt. Ryan’s was sent to me in an email. Aleya’s was on a scrap of notebook paper; my Medical Terminology notes on the back. Lyrik’s song is still stuck on Mark’s I-Mac. 
We sing every day. Sometimes that’s all we do. Sing. And yet, the kids have never heard the songs that their father wrote them before they even entered the world. We never even thought to sing them. I think that it was just a given that we give the songs to them for only them to hear. When the time is right, we’ll give them their songs. They can then decide what they want to do with them. But for now, they feel safe. The songs never sung.
Thanks so much for your post! Zaq has recorded a song for Izzaq. Its pretty awesome, and i love listening to it :) We also made a slideshow of photos on DVD and used it as the background music. Makes it even more special. Thanks again for sharing this little story with us! What about you guys? Anything special you have written for your kids? (p.s. - the photo below is nakey butt izzaq with his guitar at about 2 years old... :)
Swinger Sunday - "The Mommy Thing"
Welcome Brooke - from Brooke Van Gory to the stage... i love Brookie... and im sure you all do/will too..
Most days, I wake up in the morning, and want to shove the blankets over my face, and go back to sleep. But I drag my butt out of bed, and get to doing what I do. Which is be a mommy. Now here is the kicker. I have some friends that are mommies, and they have kids no older then 3, and they cannot for the life of themselves understand why I have such a tough time on a day to day basis.
Well, here goes the gist of it. With a baby, you get 12 hours of sleep out of them after they start sleeping through the night. OK, I have that, Gory is almost 1, so that is doable. And I work from home, so that would allow for me to have time after 8pm to work, and I could work during nap time, and life would be dandy! But Evan, on the other hand, well, now that is a whole other different story. I wake up at 6am to get Gory out of bed, then wake up Evan to get him ready for school, I feel Gory a bottle, while making sure all Evan's homework is in his backpack, drive him to school, and come back real quick to feed Gory breakfast. At 2pm, I load Gory BACK into the car (nap be damned at this point) to pick Evan UP from school. Get home to start his homework (did I forget to mention that Evan is special needs, and ADD, and it sometimes takes up to 2 hours a night for homework!??!) make dinner, and then try to clean up a bit. And now that Evan is almost 10, his bedtime is 9:00. So that is hard, It is hard finding time to balance a school aged tween with an infant. It is hard for Evan to understand that Gory sometimes needs things, and I need to help him, and put Evan on the back burner for a minute. It is harder then I ever imagined. But you know what?
I have the best 2 sons I anyone could ever wish for. Evan is the most caring brother to Gory, and having him be older, makes him respect Gory even more, and he is patient to a fault. Gory loves Evan, and calls for him each morning to come see him in his room. The bone between them is magical, and on the days when I feel like I am about to lose it, it is the love of these two brothers that makes me realize that I am doing this mommy thing right.
Keep Rockin' mama... we talk daily... we rant daily... sometimes we laugh, sometimes yell... sometimes wanna cry... but your right... were working our asses off and doing this mommy thing right...
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Most days, I wake up in the morning, and want to shove the blankets over my face, and go back to sleep. But I drag my butt out of bed, and get to doing what I do. Which is be a mommy. Now here is the kicker. I have some friends that are mommies, and they have kids no older then 3, and they cannot for the life of themselves understand why I have such a tough time on a day to day basis.
Well, here goes the gist of it. With a baby, you get 12 hours of sleep out of them after they start sleeping through the night. OK, I have that, Gory is almost 1, so that is doable. And I work from home, so that would allow for me to have time after 8pm to work, and I could work during nap time, and life would be dandy! But Evan, on the other hand, well, now that is a whole other different story. I wake up at 6am to get Gory out of bed, then wake up Evan to get him ready for school, I feel Gory a bottle, while making sure all Evan's homework is in his backpack, drive him to school, and come back real quick to feed Gory breakfast. At 2pm, I load Gory BACK into the car (nap be damned at this point) to pick Evan UP from school. Get home to start his homework (did I forget to mention that Evan is special needs, and ADD, and it sometimes takes up to 2 hours a night for homework!??!) make dinner, and then try to clean up a bit. And now that Evan is almost 10, his bedtime is 9:00. So that is hard, It is hard finding time to balance a school aged tween with an infant. It is hard for Evan to understand that Gory sometimes needs things, and I need to help him, and put Evan on the back burner for a minute. It is harder then I ever imagined. But you know what?
I have the best 2 sons I anyone could ever wish for. Evan is the most caring brother to Gory, and having him be older, makes him respect Gory even more, and he is patient to a fault. Gory loves Evan, and calls for him each morning to come see him in his room. The bone between them is magical, and on the days when I feel like I am about to lose it, it is the love of these two brothers that makes me realize that I am doing this mommy thing right.
Keep Rockin' mama... we talk daily... we rant daily... sometimes we laugh, sometimes yell... sometimes wanna cry... but your right... were working our asses off and doing this mommy thing right...
