Squarespace Blog / "parenting"
Mentoring Mondays: The Whoa Moment...
Another amazing post by future Maddies mama... Aymee. Loving your posts mimi... :)The “Whoa” MomentI don’t know about you, but every once in a while, I have moments where the earth seems to stop spinning on its axis and the gravity of a situation hits me hard. This usually only happens during major life milestones. Graduating high school, getting married, turning 25: these are all instances where, for me, time stopped for a moment and I thought to myself, “whoa.” Either the reality of being pregnant hasn’t hit me yet, or I am very serene about it. I haven’t been able to decipher which one. Adam seems to be breaking this “oh my god” freak-out moment into smaller, more manageable panics and lubricating them with whiskey. He says I was born to be a mother. Yes, in a scientific sense: this is what I’m designed to do, and so maybe that plays a big role. Because this is my most primal purpose, I’m not having that moment of “whoa?” Has nature taken over and put my conscious on autopilot? What I fear is that I’m not taking this seriously enough. As soon as I typed that out, I realized how ridiculous that is. I’m on my second baby book, I religiously follow the dietary suggestions, track weight gain, exercise with the proper restrictions/precautions, I read and play games with my unborn child for brain stimulation. But at the same time, I haven’t had that world-stopping moment. In the first trimester, I would say, “It hasn’t hit me yet because I need to feel her kick.” But that wasn’t it. I’m now in the third trimester where she kicks all the time, and it’s still so surreal. It’s like a movie; as if any minute now, a director will yell “Cut,” the walls of my apartment will part to reveal a set with cameras and crew, and someone will bring me bottled water and powder my nose. Throughout most of my childhood and teenage years, I was so focused on growing up that I didn’t often stop to smell the roses. My first “whoa” memory is sitting on one of hundreds of plastic folding chairs in the middle of the UMSL gymnasium floor amongst my peers, a sea of red caps and gowns. The gym was humming with over a thousand people, students, teachers, parents and other family, talking all at once. After the speeches, I watched as one by one, each row was lead up to the stage. As I was standing in line on the ramp next to the stage, waiting for my name to be called, I thought, “This is it.” The only chapter in my life I could remember was now closing and another chapter was opening before me at the other end of that stage: one that held mysteries as deep as the ocean or space. They do a good job of trying to prepare you for what’s on the other side. I had a plan for my future; I had it all figured out (ha ha). But no one can accurately convey what it will feel like in that very moment when all you know is ending. My next “whoa” memory is from my wedding day (I had two that day). I especially love these for obvious reasons. Adam and I both woke up that morning without an alarm clock, refreshed and relaxed. Adam wanted to do nothing that day but keep relaxing until the big event, so he went and did his own thing while I made last minute errands and preparations for the wedding that night (this is my version of relaxing). After decorating the club with my mom’s help, I picked up the flower to wear in my hair from the florist and leisurely got ready at my apartment. In my perfect black strapless satin cocktail dress with tiny velvet polka dots and vintage heels, looking and feeling like a million bucks, I got into my car and drove to the club. On the road, everything seemed to slow down. The air felt heavier to breathe. My skin tingled. I felt like I was floating. I don’t remember the song on the radio now, but it was perfect for the moment. These were the last few minutes of my life that I would be a single woman. After that my life would never be the same, and I knew it. Much like graduating high school, I didn’t know what lie on the other side of that stage. But Unlike graduating, I knew Adam was a part of that unknown and that made it less scary, and more exciting. As I pulled into the parking lot of the club, life came back up to speed. The night went on as planned. The crowd waiting outside was let in and the tiny club packed wall to wall with friends, relatives, and even a few strangers there to see the bands. There was that humming again. The hum of a hundred or so people talking at once. It was time to start the show. I began looking around for the people we needed: our friend who was to marry us—check, my mom (and maid of honor)—check, Adam’s best man—check, and Adam…where was Adam? The room started to spin. I saw a sea of faces but not the one of my fiancé. An ounce of panic started to boil in my stomach. And then at that very moment, I heard “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys (our intro music) replace the hum of the crowd. The room stopped spinning, and at the center, right in front of me, was Adam. Our eyes locked, and we both smiled a smile that I can only imagine happening again when we hold Madeline in our arms for the first time. Maybe I’ll have that “whoa” moment when she’s born and we lock eyes for the first time. Oh god, I can’t wait.
Mentoring Monday: Does this make me a Grown Up?
Adam is having a bit of writers block lately so meet Maddies mama, Aymee! (Or in my house known as MiMi... ) She has so graciously stepped up to fill his spot for awhile... Yay! Love you Aymee! Hope your enjoying your baby bash!
What separates the young adults from the full-blown adults? At which point do you cross over? Is the right of passage turning 18? Moving out on your own? Buying your first car (when you buy it, not your parents)? Having a child of your own? When you buy a home?Age 18 separates minors from legal adults. But as we all know when you’re 18, you’re still just a kid--but with legal responsibility for yourself, the right to vote, and the right to buy cigarettes. I was a mature, responsible 18 year-old, but still a kid nonetheless. When I turned 25, I had one of those “oh my god” moments. I realized I was now a quarter-century old (not saying that’s old, just that it’s a milestone), and that I was in a new age box: no longer 18-24, I was 25-30. “Holy cow!” I said to myself. I reflected on my past, and made decisions about my future. What it this transition that made me a “grown-up?” I have felt like an adult for a little while now; getting married, moving all over the Midwest, paying bills, etc. But I’m about to turn 26 and still don’t feel the term “grown-up” applies. I feel like a twenty-something; a twenty-something with a husband and daughter. That’s not weird to think about; it’s the “grown-up” part. Grown-ups are those we look to for guidance on how to do this thing appropriately named growing up, mainly because they’re already there. My mom’s a grown-up. My boss is a grown-up. …Or are they?As a kid, you assume an adult knows all the answers. But it’s so not true! Adam was once told (about parenting) that adults don’t know all the answers. But you take what you know and try to direct your child in what you think is the best direction. We’ve still got no clue what we’re doing! We’re still carefully stepping around in the dark, making decisions about moving forward into the unknown. Only now, there are less people offering to guide us and more people looking to sell us a map, and we are expected to make the “right” decision. Not one of us has had a miraculous transformation from child to grown-up. We’re the same children we were before; only now, we have become more confident with walking around in the dark.So maybe that’s the answer to my question. Maybe having a kid does make you a grown-up, but we don’t see the transformation from our point of view. Maybe the transformation can only be seen from the eyes of the ones we are now leading: our children.
Mentoring Mondays: Too Fast.
Adam is having a bit of writers block lately so meet Maddies mama, Aymee! (Or in my house known as MiMi... ) She has so graciously stepped up to fill his spot for awhile... Yay! Love you Aymee! Hope your enjoying your baby bash!Dearest Madeline,We are currently two and a half months from meeting you. You kick, punch and twirl all the time, and I love it. Since I haven’t yet seen you, nor can I hold you, feeling you move is the next best thing. And to feel your movements get stronger each day tells me you are growing stronger which is exactly what every mother wants: to know her child is healthy and that things are going well. Every day I daydream about holding you, dancing with you, feeding you, bathing you, playing with you, reading to you; the list goes on and on. A wise man once said, “You may think about your parents once a week. Your parents think about you every day.” I used to laugh at how true that is while thinking of your grandparents. Now it’s my turn to be chuckled at.It feels like just yesterday I beckoned your Dad into the bathroom of our tiny apartment in Richfield, MN and pointed to the pregnancy test.“What does that mean?” asked your father. I smiled, and pointed to the instructions on how to read the test. “But what does it mean?!” I laughed and said,“It means you’re going to be a daddy.”“Oh baby!” he cried, collapsing into my arms. Sharing company with finding out you were a girl at the 20 week ultrasound, and getting married, that was one of the coolest moments in my life so far. Nothing I have ever done can compare with you.At least once a day I say or think, “I can’t wait until August.” But lately I’ve been trying slow myself down. You see, I am so excited for you to be born, much like how excited you’ll be for your birthday or the first day of summer vacation. I’ve been there, anticipating those kinds of events; they increasingly permeate every thought you have until the moment arrives. Almost to the point that the time leading up to the awaited event is lost forever because you’re so focused on what is to come you forget to remember the present. I have the rest of my life to enjoy teaching, learning from and sharing with you. What makes me slow down, and actually makes me sad is knowing I only have two and a half months left (at most) to enjoy the experience happening right now: being pregnant with you. Even if we have another child, I will never experience this again because you are the only Madeline Belle Thurston. Already, you have your own personality that surpasses the walls of my womb. Already, I am in awe of you. And already, you’re growing up too fast.Love, Mom
Read more →
Mentoring Mondays: Monsters
Post 6 from the amazing Adam Thurston... LOVING this new segment :) And I know the followers are too!! Thanks, Adam, for sharing with my readers and I... even though we're so far away... it will be like we've been there all along... :) p.s. you can find his blog here... follow him :)
Mentoring MondaysTeaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad
Monsters
Hi Madeline. Just 3 months and change until we can be together. Getting close now! When I look back at the past blogs I’ve written, I notice that they tend towards the safer sides of things. They’re full of what I call “warm fuzzies” and are full of general “oh you can come to me for anything” and “you know I’ll always love you.” While that’s true until the end of my days, there are more serious and darker things that everyone finds out about eventually. Now you’re not even born yet and this is stuff you don’t and won’t need to know about for some time. But I know other parents and soon-to-be parents read this blog and I thought I might throw my two cents out there and see what everyone else had to say.
All children have nightmares about monsters in their closets. They always have and they always will. Now I could be wrong on this but I don’t think there’s ever been a documented case of a monster in some poor kid’s closet. Why and where kids obtain this fear, I’m not sure. But I remember being afraid of them too. I hid under my covers to the image of Michael Jackson from the video Thriller. And this was a good decade before any of us knew that kids had every right to be afraid of Michael Jackson! I always imagined his face menacing me through my bedroom window. When I rationalized to my five-year-old self that I was on the second floor and it wasn’t possible for him to stand in midair, my mind immediately conjured up Michael Jackson standing on the Wicked Witch of the West’s broom with her sitting on our roof, legs dangled over the side and cackling at the moon. I don’t feel like getting into the science or the semantics of why kids are afraid of imaginary monsters. I’m more interested in preparing them in a healthy way for the real monsters they might encounter.
Fake “monsters” are easy and I will always say that Seseme Street did it best: most of their puppet characters were monsters. Genius! It just takes a lot of the anxiety right out of the situation.
“Daddy! Daddy! There’s a monster in my closet!”“Well was it Cookie Monster or Harry Monster? It could’ve been Animal lost on his way to band practice!”
Seseme Street did a lot of the hard work for us. They even tackled death head-on when Mr. Hooper died and the adult cast mates had to explain death to Big Bird. So how do we, as parents, prep our kids for the real life monsters? The child molesters, pederasts, abductors, etc. The list is nearly endless. I always say “knowledge is power” but I certainly don’t want to overwhelm or petrify my daughter by telling her about these things. The flip side of the coin is her being in a situation and maybe not be prepared to handle it. Obviously we, as parents, have a duty to teach our kids about strangers and what not but where do we draw the TMI-line? For example:
Parent: “If a grown-up that you don’t know asks you to get in their car, you should say no.”Child: “Why?”Parent: “Because they’ll invariably take you to a ramshackle cabin in some deserted woods and rape you.”Child: “What does ‘invariably’ mean?
Well, you get the idea. What is the best way to prepare our children for the horrors of the world. I will try my best to protect my daughter, with my life if necessary, from the monsters she encounters in her life. But I would be remiss if I didn’t teach her about them.
So speak up, fellow parents and parents-to-be. How, what, and when is it appropriate to discuss some of the real horrors and monsters in life? I’d like some insight/discussion on this.
And Maddie, sorry. The grown-ups had to do some talking. I love you and will see you in about three months and one week.
I love you very much
-Your Dad
Wordless Wednesday - Lucky
Pictures from Easter Sunday.... im sorry for bragging, but could they be any cuter?? How did I get so lucky... ?
Read more →
