It's times like this that I find myself stricken with fear.  A family woke up yesterday morning, many families - and spent the afternoon at the Boston marathon... Some of them aren't coming home tonight... Kids woke up and went to school on the day of the sandy hook shooting. A day no different than today when I dropped off my son to do the same. Some of those kids didn't go home that night. This fear - this utter fear that even leaving the house isn't safe anymore... When you freeze up inside just doing normal things people do every day. Going to school, taking the bus, an airplane, or like today, going for a run. Safe things, family friendly events that have turned into nightmares. Today people saw things that I have only imagined in my most horrific dreams. And even that was likely not a comparison for the real events that took place. How can I raise my kids in a world full of such hate and chaos? That fear can't beat me. I can't let it win. Instead it festers inside of me and drives me to be a better parent... A better wife... A better person. It reminds me to ALWAYS kiss my kids before I drop them off for school, before bed, and 100 times in between... To always tell them I love them... Because I never know when it could be my last. It drives me to raise great, confident and independent children that know the difference between right and wrong... Love and hate... I can't control the actions of someone else... But, I can control the way I handle it and I can teach my kids to do the same. Today someone thought it was a good idea to blow up men, women and children. Innocents just watching a race. Maybe a child watching his dad cross the finish line. There is no excuse. It's unacceptable... There is no reason valid enough for this to have happened today. But I won't let it beat me. I won't live in fear... We all deserve better than that... And it starts with our kids. Now a days it seems if you're being bullied, don't agree with someone about their race, religion, sexual orientation, or just need some extra attention the solution is easy... Bring a gun to school... Blow up some random strangers... Fly a plane into a building... You will get all the attention you want and more - spread like wild fire across the media. Or maybe - we could just spend a little more time paying attention in the beginning... Teach our children the difference between right and wrong... Love and hate... And one by one we can make this world a better place.

Last week in Canada Jen was showing me something that we both had to get our husbands... I want to be vague because I still need to get it for him... *yes - I will be starting a collection for our mantle* These goodies came form the amazing Zeds Zombie Ranch...
Its full of everything you could "need" in the way of zombie appreciation... from t-shirts, to garden signs... and my personal favorite - the skeletons. While checking out his shop I fell in love... completely. And immediately started choosing all the ones the husband just HAS to have... but with Valentines day right around the corner - I chose the "Take My Heart" skeleton... which ironically, zaq just wrote a song using very similar lyrics! It was perfect... He loved it... I love it... and Ill definitely be back for more... Oh, and PS - AMAZING customer service... I requested one on a Friday - he had it shipped priority mail on Monday and I opened it yesterday. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

PS- Jason at Zed's Zombie Ranch is offering RockerByeBaby friends 10% off! Coupon code: ZedsRBBFriend at checkout!




"This little lover is holding open it's ribcage and handing it's heart over to you." *Take my heart... but be gentle.*

That moment...
When the baby wakes up from what I assume to be a nightmare - crying the saddest cry with the biggest crocodile tears... and before I could even reach all the way down the crib she was already clung around my neck pulling and climbing herself up... She nuzzled in... she held herself around my neck SO tightly. Sniffled... sighed... and her breathing slowed... her heart stopped pounding so fast. She loosened her grip... We sat down in the rocker that my great grandma rocked my grandpa in... and my grandma rocked my mom in... and my mom rocked me in... and I've rocked my babies in... she drifted off to sleep... every time I even THOUGHT about putting her down she'd take a deep breath like - "don't even think about it mom"... so we rocked... and rocked... and rocked... and I touched... and stared... and kissed... and I missed you... I miss you every day... every day I have to work... every day I run to the store... every day I wake up and you've been sleeping all night... Every day that you've grown and changed from that tiny baby I brought home... and it was That Moment... that I wondered who needed who more?

Am I comforting her? Or is she comforting me? I always say how much I needed her... It wasn't just a want for a girl... I needed one. And even more so - I needed her... There is just something about that girl. The bond that I have with her in indescribable... Not more than the boys of course, just different. Everyone needs a Rozzlyn Marie. But Im the luckiest person on earth because I have her... I feel like she's all the best parts of Zaq and I... She's so funny, and so incredibly smart... and just. so. damn. cute. She melts me daily... literally a mushy - gushy - aweeeeeeeeee... kinda melting. She has my big eyes and lashes... Zaq's big squishy lips. The most perfect little nose... and best buddha belly... *sigh* just perfection. I think back sometimes to the two miscarriages I had before her. What a nightmare that was... and we stopped trying for 6 months because I thought - I can't handle this one more time. It's just too much. Finally at the end of that 6 months I was ready to give it one more go... and I got her... all I wanted was a healthy baby... and instead I got the most amazing, perfect, healthy, beautiful baby girl I could ever imagine. And I can't even begin to think about what I would be missing had I decided it wasn't worth the risk to try again... Everything happens for a reason. Right?

*sings* Summer Lovin'... had me a blast...
What a fun weekend! We spent pretty much the whole day outside...
We did water balloons...
*spent about 20 minutes filling them... and they were gone in 3 minutes*
but it was a blast and worth every second!
*Izzaq - Gracie - Zavery*
Then we pulled out the sprinkler... and the kids spent about an hour chasing Gracie around. They both absolutely adore her... and are convinced every day that she has to choose which Zrust boy she will marry... Im so not ready for this - and am doomed by the time they turn 13.
Ladies First!

Lastly - after almost drowning while trying to drink from the sprinkler... we headed in for the day for a family movie night... what a great day... don't you wish sometimes that real life could be this? Just playing and fun... no worries, no bills, no work... just. summer. lovin'.