Squarespace Blog / "pay it forward"

Fear: Choose Love Not Hate

It's times like this that I find myself stricken with fear.  A family woke up yesterday morning, many families - and spent the afternoon at the Boston marathon... Some of them aren't coming home tonight... Kids woke up and went to school on the day of the sandy hook shooting. A day no different than today when I dropped off my son to do the same. Some of those kids didn't go home that night. This fear - this utter fear that even leaving the house isn't safe anymore... When you freeze up inside just doing normal things people do every day. Going to school, taking the bus, an airplane, or like today, going for a run. Safe things, family friendly events that have turned into nightmares. Today people saw things that I have only imagined in my most horrific dreams. And even that was likely not a comparison for the real events that took place. How can I raise my kids in a world full of such hate and chaos? That fear can't beat me. I can't let it win. Instead it festers inside of me and drives me to be a better parent... A better wife... A better person. It reminds me to ALWAYS kiss my kids before I drop them off for school, before bed, and 100 times in between... To always tell them I love them... Because I never know when it could be my last. It drives me to raise great, confident and independent children that know the difference between right and wrong... Love and hate... I can't control the actions of someone else... But, I can control the way I handle it and I can teach my kids to do the same. Today someone thought it was a good idea to blow up men, women and children. Innocents just watching a race. Maybe a child watching his dad cross the finish line. There is no excuse. It's unacceptable... There is no reason valid enough for this to have happened today. But I won't let it beat me. I won't live in fear... We all deserve better than that... And it starts with our kids. Now a days it seems if you're being bullied, don't agree with someone about their race, religion, sexual orientation, or just need some extra attention the solution is easy... Bring a gun to school... Blow up some random strangers... Fly a plane into a building... You will get all the attention you want and more - spread like wild fire across the media. Or maybe - we could just spend a little more time paying attention in the beginning... Teach our children the difference between right and wrong... Love and hate... And one by one we can make this world a better place.

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A Sad little Sunday Something... Sharing...

There are a million things that sometimes suck about being a mom... right? I think we can all agree... the fighting, the yelling... the cooking... the cleaning... the working... and after all of that, at the end of the day they all still need more... kids & husband alike... But, there are a million things that are great about being a mom... The love of your kids... feeling that love in someone else... and KNOWING they feel the same... that feeling of being needed and wanted... growing a child... teaching them new things and watching their little wheels turn... and seeing that excitement when they learn something new... and today... today was an all new experience. Zaq was home watching the football game & I had some errands to run... were down to just one car now so when I have an opportunity I have to take it. So I loaded up the boys... and off we went. First to the post office... Zave fussed the whole way there... and back into the car... zave fussed some more... and some more... he was on a roll for the fussiness. Izzaq was being great... its amazing how this little baby has turned into a 3 year old walking talking little man... he has so much personality... i love it.... we were having a nice little talk about the big mountains and the hot sun when we rolled up to a stop light... Now, Sun City *where the post office is* Is a retirement community. Filled with all sorts of sweet old men and women just living it up in Cali. Except for one man... At the corner of this stop light was a sad old man. My eyes filled with tears, he looked exactly like my Grandpa Brown *who passed away when I was 13 and miss dearly.* Skin tanned from the sun... wrinkly from age... with big 'ol apple cheek bones.. a scruffy salt & pepper beard... bushy eye brows and loving brown eyes. Its amazing the details that you can pick up in an instance. I swear... they were so alike that It could have been him. I guess if you believe in that sort of thing... maybe it was. He was wearing an army jacket & pants... holding a sign that said "Every Little Bit Helps." I looked back at Izzaq & said... Izzaq, see this man? He doesn't have a house. And he is hungry, so were gunna share our money with him. *im choking up just typing, geesh* So Izzaq said ok mama... lets share. So I pull up to him... roll down the window... grab a HUGE handfull of change from the car... and izzaq yells from the backseat... "HI! We gunna share my moneys with you to eat!" and he reached across the car and held out his hand... with a big smile on his face..."Bless ya Girl, Thank you" I smiled. Looked back at izzaq and fought back tears. I have NO idea why this hit me so hard... maybe because he reminded me so much of my grandpa... maybe because im just an emotional girl today... or maybe because IzzaQ is growing up... I dunno. I always try to help anyone out when I can... I donate money when I can... I donate product when I can... I donate clothes and toys to shelters... and if I have change... i give it... but this was different. It was the most rewarding moment as a mother that I have had yet... in that 30 seconds sitting at that stop light I taught a lesson to my son... Share... not just your toys when you playing... but everything... if you have enough, give to someone else... and in those 30 seconds... i realized I really have a chance to help change the world... Its more than just an opportunity to "Pay it Forward"... more than good Karma... Our world is a crazy messed up place... and i face it with my irrational fears every day. And us moms & dads really can make a difference. It doesnt matter if your black or white... a hippie or a punk... a christian or an atheist... if we all took the time to teach these simple morals and values the world would be a better place... we have the opportunity to help grow one more selfless caring and sharing person to make a difference... Thats enough rambling for my day off of blogging... I just wanted to share that with you... it was very emotional for me... I ljust want to leave you with one more thought... What did you teach your child/children today? What do you do as a mom (or dad), to instill good values in your children?
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