Squarespace Blog / "parenting"
Mentoring Monday: Two-Week Itch
Mentoring Mondays:Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad (post by Adam)
We’re about 2 and half weeks from meeting, Maddie. I can’t speak for you but I’m nervous and at times, a touch scared. Nervous because parenting will be the hardest job I’ve ever undertaken. Scared because there’s little room for error. I’ve never been afraid of failing and I’m not too much of a perfectionist but the flipside is I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life than as I am about you.
But I suppose this is where the whole “you mentoring me” bit comes into play. I imagine how you teach me to be a father will be subtle and on-going and I may not even realize that it’s happening nor will you realize that you’re teaching me anything at all. And that’s the sweet, subtle beauty of the whole thing, Pitseleh*.
I suppose the bottom line is I haven’t even seen you and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my whole life. Emotions that strong can be very scary because the price of letdown and failure are too high. Well, I’m not going to worry so much that the fear becomes crippling and forces me into inaction (which is often far worse than making the wrong decision). Just know that all the bands I’ve been in, all the songs I’ve written, all the shows I’ve played, the best thing I’ve ever created is you. (Oh okay, your mom helped.)
This one’s a bit short but I’ve said all I need to say for right now. I’ll let my actions do the talking for me. I promise to be the best father I can. Will you mentor me while I mentor you? I promise we’ll have a good life.
I love you, Maddie.-Your Dad
* “Pitseleh” is Yiddish for “Little One.”
Read more →
We’re about 2 and half weeks from meeting, Maddie. I can’t speak for you but I’m nervous and at times, a touch scared. Nervous because parenting will be the hardest job I’ve ever undertaken. Scared because there’s little room for error. I’ve never been afraid of failing and I’m not too much of a perfectionist but the flipside is I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life than as I am about you.
But I suppose this is where the whole “you mentoring me” bit comes into play. I imagine how you teach me to be a father will be subtle and on-going and I may not even realize that it’s happening nor will you realize that you’re teaching me anything at all. And that’s the sweet, subtle beauty of the whole thing, Pitseleh*.
I suppose the bottom line is I haven’t even seen you and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my whole life. Emotions that strong can be very scary because the price of letdown and failure are too high. Well, I’m not going to worry so much that the fear becomes crippling and forces me into inaction (which is often far worse than making the wrong decision). Just know that all the bands I’ve been in, all the songs I’ve written, all the shows I’ve played, the best thing I’ve ever created is you. (Oh okay, your mom helped.)
This one’s a bit short but I’ve said all I need to say for right now. I’ll let my actions do the talking for me. I promise to be the best father I can. Will you mentor me while I mentor you? I promise we’ll have a good life.
I love you, Maddie.-Your Dad
* “Pitseleh” is Yiddish for “Little One.”
Favorites Friday: Family & Love.
So... Its been about a week now since I started missing my babies... and I wont see them again until August 19th... still a LONG way to go... but Im sure all you will be appreciative when you see how caught up i get :) And see how much newness gets listed... it will be amazing :) But in the mean time... spending all day home alone when Im used to total choas is making me a little lonely... So this weeks theme... family & Love.
#1: DreamingTreeCreation - I carry your heart pendant
#2: MillyLillyRose - Somer Honey
#3: AsherJasper - Needlefelted Sleepy Mama & Baby
#4: PaperPrayers - Mexed Media Home is where Our Heart is
#5: Opart - Lone Parent 10x8 Signed Print
#6: WrenWillow - Owl Family Organic Onesie
#7: Lara514 - Family Chronicles 10 pages Paper Bag Album
#8: MichelleVerbeeck - Leather Cuff Bracelet
#9: APaperBuffet - Infinite Love
Read more →
#1: DreamingTreeCreation - I carry your heart pendant
#2: MillyLillyRose - Somer Honey
#3: AsherJasper - Needlefelted Sleepy Mama & Baby
#4: PaperPrayers - Mexed Media Home is where Our Heart is
#5: Opart - Lone Parent 10x8 Signed Print
#6: WrenWillow - Owl Family Organic Onesie
#7: Lara514 - Family Chronicles 10 pages Paper Bag Album
#8: MichelleVerbeeck - Leather Cuff Bracelet
#9: APaperBuffet - Infinite Love
Mentoring Monday: Tolerance
After a week off Aymee is back with another amazing post. She's so close to her due date! Can't wait to see Ms. Maddie next month!!Dear Maddie, Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about two words: tolerance and respect. These are words that will play a part in important lessons for you throughout life. I’ve been chewing on these words because of two stories in recent news. The first being the efforts of Minnesota Pride Fest organizers to refuse entry to an “anti-gay evangelist” from passing out Bibles and preaching at the public event like he has done in years past[1]. The second being the efforts of some to prevent moderate American Muslims from building a Muslim community center near Ground Zero[2]. What does the word tolerance mean, you ask? Good question kiddo. Tolerance is defined by the dictionary as “a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own…” Bigotry is one of the main downfalls in humans. It is an age-old flaw that to this day infects many in our societies, creating unrest on every kind of level. The more people who truly learn to be tolerant of others, the more we can achieve. Why be tolerant of others? Another good question! Answer: because it is respectful.You will encounter people throughout your life that will treat you or someone else unkindly. When you’re younger, these people are called bullies. When you get older, these people are usually referred to as a**holes. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe it’s just the Midwest in me; but I’m big on manners and showing respect to others, and I will teach you to do the same. Gestures go a long way: holding the door for someone and saying “Thank you” when someone holds the door for you; looking people in the eye; waving a “Thank you” gesture when you’re driving and someone lets you into their lane; saying “Hello,” and maybe a “How are you?” to the check-out clerk at the store; saying “Sir” or “M’aam” when talking to people—even in an informal conversation, it shows respect. Words and gestures are very powerful, and when used carelessly can hurt just as much, sometimes more than, a punch to the face. If you are kind to those around you, you will earn respect from others in return and attract true friends who will always be there for you. This is what truly makes a person rich in life. The opposite will earn you flakey “friends,” who will not be there when you really need them; they will only be around when they want something from you.Some call it “karma;” some call it “getting what you deserve.” Regardless, a life of disrespect will also reap a life of anger. If you regularly disrespect others, you will receive the same in return which will make you angry and bitter. No one aims to live like that. It is a slippery slope one goes down when they don’t pay it forward. This won’t always be easy. In fact, I think it’s easier to not go the extra step and hold the door for someone, or say thank you, or smile at someone. The same goes for tolerance. It is certainly easier to deny another what they want than it is to allow something you don’t agree with. It takes a little effort to accept someone who is different than you. Sometimes, it’s even more difficult to be tolerant of someone who acts or believes in a way that you don’t like. People like this might annoy, or anger, you. But it is important to think before you speak or act in instances like this. Here’s an example: recently, I went to the store for my weekly grocery run. I approached the checkout area to find it packed; only a few lanes open and every lane had a long line of customers waiting to check out. I entered the shortest line behind a middle-aged man with a few household appliances in his cart. He quickly noticed I was behind him, approached me, and began spouting off his uninvited opinion about how terrible the store was, and then jumped into something about “scripture.” He caught me off-guard; I didn’t understand what prompted him to step up on his soapbox. I had no interest in listening to his opinion, especially since I knew most of it was misinformation most likely collected from hot-head political-extremist talk radio. (only 10% of what he said was factual and not outdated). Nor did I have any interest biting his bait for a debate in the middle of a busy store checkout lane on a Saturday. Of course, my head was swimming with smart-a** remarks like, “If they’re so awful, why do you support them with your money?” But I said nothing. I’m all for intellectual discussions, but not with people who only want to hear themselves speak. I assumed he fell into this pool because he started this conversation without provocation. When he realized he wasn’t going to be successful in getting a rise out of me, agreement or disagreement, he left his cart in line, and walked two lanes over to try his doctrine on the poor sap waiting patiently in line like the rest of us. Did I find him annoying? Yes. Did I think to myself, “I wish he’d shut up?” Yes. But silencing him would not have been the right thing to do. Telling him to “shut up” would have been rude, and would have had the opposite effect. (Let it be said your punk-rock father would say otherwise; he would likely have told the man to piss off. That’s okay too. You have the right to, but know that it only eggs people like that on; they won’t find it respectful and will most likely react in a like manner. Choose your words with your desired end in mind.) Everyone should have their soapbox to stand on if they so choose, even if that means they break it out in the middle of the checkout lane on a busy Saturday afternoon. I don’t have to agree with him, and I don’t have to like what he’s saying. I don’t even have to listen. But I do have to tolerate him because he had every right to do what he did, and that right is a beautiful thing. Tolerance was putting up with him for the ten minutes it took to get through the checkout lane.Let’s take another example from the news stories I mentioned earlier. In both instances, we have two sides that don’t like each other’s point of view. Who’s right and wrong is for another discussion. The lesson I want to instill in you first is that both sides have a right to think and feel the way they do. But both sides should be tolerant of the other, even if it’s difficult to do so. This is a high form of respect. As long as neither side is violent or disruptive, this is healthy. It’s not easy for either side to do, but sometimes we have to do things that are hard for us, and we are stronger because of it. In the second news story, there was a great quote I wanted to share with you. It is a quote from Herbert Ouida, a parent of a 9-11 victim. He is speaking of the conflict in New York as to whether or not allow a Muslim community center to be built near Ground Zero: "I understand the anger, the bitterness and hatred, but it only generates more hatred." This quote reminds me of another that I love and believe so strongly that I had it tattooed on my arm: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” –Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Out of this light, this kind of love, comes the strength for tolerance.Sometimes, doing the right thing is hard or uncomfortable. But it is of the upmost importance that we press on, and do the right thing anyway if we are to live peacefully. The golden rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated. Bottom line: You, and no one else, should be the one to decide what you do with your body, who you love, what you believe, what you fight for, etc. and you should have the freedom to live according to those beliefs. But in order to achieve that, you must respect another’s freedom to choose differently from you. We all don’t have to agree with each other. But we must respect each other’s freedom of choice, even if we don’t like their choices. And the beautiful thing about America is we can disagree, have the freedom to say so, and have intellectual debates on why. That kind of dialogue is healthy. It’s not always easy to listen to why someone thinks you’re wrong. Sometimes you will be wrong. Sometimes you will be right and they will be wrong. And sometimes, you both must agree to disagree and move on. And you don’t have to listen to someone’s opinion: that’s your choice whether or not to listen. But as long as they aren’t violent or disruptive, you do have to allow them the freedom to voice that opinion.
[1] http://www.startribune.com/local/97237759.html?page=1&c=y[2] http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/05/07/new.york.ground.zero.mosque/index.html
My Making a Baby - WTF.
Now, this may be a TMI post, but its my blog, so im gunna go for it anyways... lol Today I started "spotting" This is now week 9 since my last real period (if thats what this spotting turns into)... Zaq and I have been "trying" to make a baby for 2 months now... Yes... over two months since he said "just do it" over cocktails, and I took out my IUD... yes, I... Now - im starting to get really impatient here... and frustrated... and sad... and really emotional... and after all that, humbled. It was always a big joke to us... this whole baby making thing that is... Neither of the boys were planned.... two little accidents surprises that changed my world for the better... Zaq and I got together in November of 2005, by Feb 2006, I was pregnant with Izzaq.... we work fast, lol In October 12th of 2006 Izzaq was born, and in January, when I went in to get my IUD I was pregnant with Zavery, lol *ahem* fast.
this is where it all started... in the hospital... and Izzaq has been picking on Zavery ever since...
This was my absolute chaos... trying to start up RockerByeBaby with a one year old, a newborn... and a super sexy nursing bra, lol
and this... ahhhh this picture... you will notice here my sweetly sleeping newborn... and my happy pre-tot. why? Well izzaq has zavery's blanket and pacifier... and if you look, you will see its still attached to him, lolSo, point of the story is, were fertile... or "fertile mertile" as Hot Mama Gowns says, lol. We make babies and we make them fast... none of this "trying" nonsense... Im starting to wonder if this is just a little reality check... I've always been such a smart ass about getting pregnant... you know, things like... oh - zaq bumps into me in the hallway and I get pregnant... orrrr if he looks at me the right way I get pregnant. And now here I am 2 months into "trying" and I have a miscarriage and a period... im 0/2 and i'm not liking these odds. Now - I should say this... we are not like, "break out the calendar, thermometer, and lets make us a baby" trying. Were just doing the... "hey sex is fun and im not on birth control" kind of trying... and it is... fun that is ;) *sorry mom*
I dunno... all in all this has been a very humbling experience. I never thought I would have to "try" to have a baby after the first two... and I remember growing up being afraid that I would be able to have kids... I've always loved kids, and if I had the money I would have like 10 of them... but maybe not? Maybe my body won't let me... maybe my body is telling me two is enough? OR maybe... I do have to really TRY? I have lots of friends... healthy, young friends trying to have kids and just aren't getting pregnant... it happens. It happens ALL the time and I am no different. And it really makes me appreciate those who are being so supportive. It's one thing to want something like a dream that seems out of reach... a million dollars... to be president... or an astronaut... but a mom seems like it should be such a simple process. You get married (or not till later in my case, lol), you go off BC, you make a baby... ta-da! BABY! Everyone knows where babies come from right? If not ask izzaq, he will tell you. So many people have to try for years to have a successful pregnancy... some pay thousands... tens of thousands of dollars to get a pregnancy... and some give up trying and adopt... I just don't know how far I would be willing to go... what if a year from now Im still trying... am I willing to pay someone to make it happen? I dunno... I know its only been two months and I feel selfish being pouty about it when some of you are probably laughing at me right now... I just didn't expect it... I never even considered a miscarriage was a possibility... was just so excited to be pregnant, and now its gone... and here I am again with a most likely failed cycle 2... time to grab a bottle of wine and *cheers* to "third times a charm"...
Walmart... robbing wallets one Toy Story isle at a time...
So - today we had to go to Wal-Mart... *barf* and its not one of those nice new Wal-Marts... It's an old, always crowded, over shopped Wal-Mart... and it makes me crazy... but I have no choice... The Poly-Fil I get for crib bedding comes from there, they sell it in bulk... and the same brand costs double at Joann. Anyways, im off topic. Wal-Mart...
As most of you know... Zavery loves Toy Story... no, OBSESSES over Toy Story... and no schidt, every damn isle had something toy story... Toy Story towels... Toy Story soap... movies... fruit snacks... and FRACKIN MAC N CHEESE!?
What the Heck!? Give it a rest people...Its hard enough to get through wal-mart avoiding the toy section... but no... they move entire ISLES of toys, to the middle of the store just to be sure your kids see it and throw and screaming fit in front of everyone. Then, of course, again when you are in the check out line... because everyone needs Toy Story collectable cards, right? ugh, fml.
It was literally like a war zone... You should have seen me shuffling through those isles.. dodging left and right... then it happened... OH NO! We've been hit! ugh... noooo not the Toy Story Cereal... GROOOOSSSS!! alright fine... if it'll keep you quiet... *shuffle shuffle... dodge... SHIT! TURNAROUND TURNAROUND!!!* annnnd its too late, we've spotted the enemy... The Toy Story Mac 'n' Cheese.. yup, i caved... mrs. always Annie's organic totally blew it with the .99 cent mac n cheese. I swear we have every Toy Story creation... I am SOOOO not the "commercial" type. If everything i owned from here out was handmade I'd be ecstatic... but no... he can't be obsessed with organic t'shirts... or vegetables... that would make my life much too easy... its gotta be the plastic mass produced crap from overseas of course... Lets not forget the giant Buzz Lightyear zaq bought... remember that? The one that has been causing tantrums since the day it came home? Yeah... It was broken on day two... the wing broke, it no longer pops open or stays shut... just hangs there... and then since then its been thrown down the stairs, tossed off the couch... dropped in the toilet (stopped "talking" for about 3 days) and yesterday zaq had to snap off the shield because one side was broken... awesome right? I say thats a big #win for expensive plastic toys... NOT. So yeah... thats my rant for the day... Wal-Mart... I hate you... Go clean your Riverside, CA store... and Toy Story... I don't need your picture on every box of fruit snacks, tooth paste, or cereal I come into contact with... and if you must, can you put it on some Organic stuff thats not filled with total crap, sugar and will cause both obesity & diabetes in my child... thanks... just a thought ;) Now, Im not "blaming" toy story... is it annoying? Totally... but obviously I can say no... sometimes its just not worth the fight over a .99 cent box of mac n cheese... and dont get me wrong... some of the TS toys i actually enjoy... Of ALL of our toy story toys... there are 3 that I really like... I like the little Toddler friendly Buzz... (see older blog post for reference)... And I love the little Buzz & Woody Buddy sets that Sarah got us... and the new little Buzz Jammies that nana sent us today... because after seeing this... they passed the "creative play" test, lol There is a "button" for the laser on his shirt and he is going nuts over it, lol running around "zapping" everything. So really now, thats it... im done ranting... our craptastic day of shopping finished with cuteness like brotherly love... so all in all it was a win... would love to hear everyones opinion on all the commercial stuff out there... is there anything your kids go wild over that makes you crazy?
Read more →
As most of you know... Zavery loves Toy Story... no, OBSESSES over Toy Story... and no schidt, every damn isle had something toy story... Toy Story towels... Toy Story soap... movies... fruit snacks... and FRACKIN MAC N CHEESE!?
What the Heck!? Give it a rest people...Its hard enough to get through wal-mart avoiding the toy section... but no... they move entire ISLES of toys, to the middle of the store just to be sure your kids see it and throw and screaming fit in front of everyone. Then, of course, again when you are in the check out line... because everyone needs Toy Story collectable cards, right? ugh, fml.
It was literally like a war zone... You should have seen me shuffling through those isles.. dodging left and right... then it happened... OH NO! We've been hit! ugh... noooo not the Toy Story Cereal... GROOOOSSSS!! alright fine... if it'll keep you quiet... *shuffle shuffle... dodge... SHIT! TURNAROUND TURNAROUND!!!* annnnd its too late, we've spotted the enemy... The Toy Story Mac 'n' Cheese.. yup, i caved... mrs. always Annie's organic totally blew it with the .99 cent mac n cheese. I swear we have every Toy Story creation... I am SOOOO not the "commercial" type. If everything i owned from here out was handmade I'd be ecstatic... but no... he can't be obsessed with organic t'shirts... or vegetables... that would make my life much too easy... its gotta be the plastic mass produced crap from overseas of course... Lets not forget the giant Buzz Lightyear zaq bought... remember that? The one that has been causing tantrums since the day it came home? Yeah... It was broken on day two... the wing broke, it no longer pops open or stays shut... just hangs there... and then since then its been thrown down the stairs, tossed off the couch... dropped in the toilet (stopped "talking" for about 3 days) and yesterday zaq had to snap off the shield because one side was broken... awesome right? I say thats a big #win for expensive plastic toys... NOT. So yeah... thats my rant for the day... Wal-Mart... I hate you... Go clean your Riverside, CA store... and Toy Story... I don't need your picture on every box of fruit snacks, tooth paste, or cereal I come into contact with... and if you must, can you put it on some Organic stuff thats not filled with total crap, sugar and will cause both obesity & diabetes in my child... thanks... just a thought ;) Now, Im not "blaming" toy story... is it annoying? Totally... but obviously I can say no... sometimes its just not worth the fight over a .99 cent box of mac n cheese... and dont get me wrong... some of the TS toys i actually enjoy... Of ALL of our toy story toys... there are 3 that I really like... I like the little Toddler friendly Buzz... (see older blog post for reference)... And I love the little Buzz & Woody Buddy sets that Sarah got us... and the new little Buzz Jammies that nana sent us today... because after seeing this... they passed the "creative play" test, lol There is a "button" for the laser on his shirt and he is going nuts over it, lol running around "zapping" everything. So really now, thats it... im done ranting... our craptastic day of shopping finished with cuteness like brotherly love... so all in all it was a win... would love to hear everyones opinion on all the commercial stuff out there... is there anything your kids go wild over that makes you crazy?
