Now, this may be a TMI post, but its my blog, so im gunna go for it anyways... lol Today I started "spotting" This is now week 9 since my last real period (if thats what this spotting turns into)... Zaq and I have been "trying" to make a baby for 2 months now... Yes... over two months since he said "just do it" over cocktails, and I took out my IUD... yes, I... Now - im starting to get really impatient here... and frustrated... and sad... and really emotional... and after all that, humbled. It was always a big joke to us... this whole baby making thing that is... Neither of the boys were planned.... two little accidents surprises that changed my world for the better... Zaq and I got together in November of 2005, by Feb 2006, I was pregnant with Izzaq.... we work fast, lol In October 12th of 2006 Izzaq was born, and in January, when I went in to get my IUD I was pregnant with Zavery, lol *ahem* fast.
this is where it all started... in the hospital... and Izzaq has been picking on Zavery ever since...This was my absolute chaos... trying to start up RockerByeBaby with a one year old, a newborn... and a super sexy nursing bra, lol
and this... ahhhh this picture... you will notice here my sweetly sleeping newborn... and my happy pre-tot. why? Well izzaq has zavery's blanket and pacifier... and if you look, you will see its still attached to him, lol
So, point of the story is, were fertile... or "fertile mertile" as Hot Mama Gowns says, lol. We make babies and we make them fast... none of this "trying" nonsense... Im starting to wonder if this is just a little reality check... I've always been such a smart ass about getting pregnant... you know, things like... oh - zaq bumps into me in the hallway and I get pregnant... orrrr if he looks at me the right way I get pregnant. And now here I am 2 months into "trying" and I have a miscarriage and a period... im 0/2 and i'm not liking these odds. Now - I should say this... we are not like, "break out the calendar, thermometer, and lets make us a baby" trying. Were just doing the... "hey sex is fun and im not on birth control" kind of trying... and it is... fun that is ;) *sorry mom*
I dunno... all in all this has been a very humbling experience. I never thought I would have to "try" to have a baby after the first two... and I remember growing up being afraid that I would be able to have kids... I've always loved kids, and if I had the money I would have like 10 of them... but maybe not? Maybe my body won't let me... maybe my body is telling me two is enough? OR maybe... I do have to really TRY? I have lots of friends... healthy, young friends trying to have kids and just aren't getting pregnant... it happens. It happens ALL the time and I am no different. And it really makes me appreciate those who are being so supportive. It's one thing to want something like a dream that seems out of reach... a million dollars... to be president... or an astronaut... but a mom seems like it should be such a simple process. You get married (or not till later in my case, lol), you go off BC, you make a baby... ta-da! BABY! Everyone knows where babies come from right? If not ask izzaq, he will tell you. So many people have to try for years to have a successful pregnancy... some pay thousands... tens of thousands of dollars to get a pregnancy... and some give up trying and adopt... I just don't know how far I would be willing to go... what if a year from now Im still trying... am I willing to pay someone to make it happen? I dunno... I know its only been two months and I feel selfish being pouty about it when some of you are probably laughing at me right now... I just didn't expect it... I never even considered a miscarriage was a possibility... was just so excited to be pregnant, and now its gone... and here I am again with a most likely failed cycle 2... time to grab a bottle of wine and *cheers* to "third times a charm"...