Welcome to the Family              Five days after your due date, I had one last checkup appointment with my Obstetrician. We were preparing to induce labor that following Sunday or Monday. At the time of the visit, I hadn’t dilated or effaced any since two weeks before. I left the doctor’s office with a sense of the end in sight, but still disappointed. This wasn’t how I wanted labor to be. I wanted you to come on your own; I wanted contractions to start naturally; to share the “Is this it?” moment of excitement and panic with your father, timing contractions, calling the doctor and hospital, etc. I wanted the drama that you see in the movies. However, it was beginning to look as though we were to have a lab labor instead: start it all through dripping chemicals into my arm via plastic tubing. I was torn. I was disappointed at the induction prospect, but had an overriding sense of satisfaction knowing one way or another I was going to meet you soon. In one last effort to kick start labor the old fashioned way, your father and I walked laps around the mall. I had spicy Chipotle for lunch, and we had fantastically greasy Five Guys burgers for dinner (not the ideal last meal before labor, but I was calling labor’s bluff). After dinner and Mommy-Daddy time, I went to sleep for the night. Around 11:45 pm, I awoke in pain. My middle felt like it was in a vice. It wasn’t unbearable, but rather just uncomfortable enough to wake me from a deep sleep. I got up, and came out into the living room where Dad was, still up on the computer. “You okay?” he asked.              “I’m in pain,” I said holding my lower abdomen.              “Like…labor pain?” We’d had a few false alarms, and he didn’t want to (again) get worked up over nothing.              “I don’t know.” I couldn’t help but giddily smile through the discomfort. “We should see if we can time them.” And so we did. I was having contractions four and five minutes apart. Eee! The magic number! The hospital had us wait another hour before getting on the road to make sure it wasn’t false labor (it wasn’t). So at 1 am, Dad drove to the hospital, me in the backseat moaning through the contractions and giggling in between. The whole way there, the midnight sky lit up with a beautiful electrical storm stretching from one end of the horizon to the next. It then dawned on us: if this was it, you’d be a Friday the 13^th baby (you were).              We arrived at the hospital. Upon entering the Emergency entrance, I commandeered a wheelchair, and was escorted up to the maternity floor. They checked my vitals: still not dilated or effaced. They escorted me to our room where I began to spend most of my time in the huge maternity tub, soaking in the warm water to ease the pain of contractions. At first, the nurse turned on a soothing CD of Native American flute songs. That quickly morphed into my custom playlist appropriately titled, “Labor? What Labor?” that included such hip-moving, feel-good music as The Temptations, The Jackson 5, and Marvin Gaye.              The contractions got stronger as the hours wore on. I was dilating about a centimeter an hour, and completely effaced after about three. After six and a half hours, I asked for the epidural. The pain was excruciating, yes. But what made up my mind about getting the epidural, was knowing I didn’t have the energy to muster through the increasing contractions for another few hours and push the baby through when it came time.              The Anesthesiologist came in and prepped for the epidural. I don’t remember much from that time because I was in so much pain during contractions, and exhausted in between them. I even dozed off a couple times in those few minute sanctuaries. He rapidly explained what he had to do, had me sign the necessary paperwork, and off we went. After the epidural, labor slowed significantly. But thankfully it allowed me to get some rest. After much needed sleep, they started Pitocin and a few hours later I was pushing. When you came out, your father exclaimed, “Babe, there she is!” Then the doctor laid you on my stomach, and I held you while Daddy cut your umbilical cord. You came out blinking your eyes and wobbling your head around; so strong and healthy. You scored high on your Apgar test (8 and 9), and latched on like a breastfeeding pro. That’s my girl.               Everyone was so impressed with you from the moment you were born. Every nurse wooed over you every chance they got; you were so beautiful from the start. I swear they were looking for reasons to come into our room to see you. Dad even got stopped in the hall at the hospital about how precious you were (you still are). You look just like your Dad, which still throws him for a loop. “She’s got my nose!” he said while holding you for the first time. You have just about everything from your old man: nose, mouth, chin, hands. You have my ears and dimples (one side more prominent than the other), and both of our long lashes. Your eyes are blue right now, so I’m interested to see if they stay blue or change. Your hair was dark brown when you were born, but every day it gets a bit lighter, and more and more red. Personality-wise, you’re an easy baby like your Dad was, but a total cuddle-bug like your Mom.              So that’s how you came to be. We love you so much, and are happy you’re finally here darling. Welcome to the family.

SO - this is me writing in for Aymee & Adam this week!!! Maddie was born on Friday the 13th - (of August of course) She is beautiful as I knew that she would be... amazing long lashes and kiss worthy lips! Just a total doll... and I am just 1 week away from getting to kiss and squeeze and love on her...


(I got this shirt for Maddie from Small Threads and she wore it home from the hospital! I feel so special, lol)  Leave a comment with a big 'ol congrats to Aymee & Adam :)

One of the last posts from Aymee before she starts writing to Maddie on the OUTSIDE!! So excited to see her sooooooon!!!!Are we there yet?              As I’m writing this, it is Madeline’s due date. Today should mark the end of pregnancy and the beginning of a new life with our daughter. However, it doesn’t feel as special as it did in my imagination. It’s just another day without broken water, without contractions, without adrenaline rushes, without excited yet anxious phone calls. Since the 35^th week of pregnancy, I’ve been pining for this day (besides the obvious reasons). The first day of my 35^th week, I woke up and the euphoria I had been feeling about pregnancy had vanished. The last month realities hit me like a ton of bricks. My back hurt, my legs ached, simply walking from one place to another exhausted me, I began having trouble sleeping, the heartburn kicked into high gear, sciatic nerve pain began shooting down my back and legs, and in the last few weeks my belly exploded in size, mauling my skin with stretch marks. My belly looks like the surface of Venus. I long for regular jeans, lace-up shoes, hot non-pregnant sex with my husband, and after all that—a stiff drink. I want my body back, damnit.              Today has felt like I’ve run a marathon, but the finish line is missing the ribbon garnish, confetti, photographers’ flashing cameras, and a cheering crowd. Instead, it’s just a bare road with the end hiding somewhere in front of me. What else is there to do but keep running forward?              I want her here—not in here. I want to hold her, kiss her, sing to her, read to her, look into her eyes and watch her respond to my voice. I want to watch Adam do those things too. I want to watch him be a father. I want to sneak into the room and listen to him talk to her in the most honest way; to watch her turn him into mush in her tiny hand without him knowing I’m there.              I just keep telling myself, “Patience is a virtue,” “Good things come to those who wait,” and “The longer you wait for something, the sweeter it is when you get it.” I know it’s true. I’ve had a wonderful pregnancy. I mean really, what a ride! I will forever cherish this time and these experiences. Every time I look at my daughter, I will remember the one-of-a-kind feeling of her rolling around inside; that special connection. But Maddie sweetheart, if I can give you some advice: the trick is to leave them wanting more…

So its been a little while since I did i fun rant/banter/randomness.. but lots of things have been floating through my head lately so time to spill them out...

• My babies are home in Illinois... for a whole month... 
• My birthday present this year is that I get to see them. Best... Birthday... Ever.....
• Last night when I went to bed I looked in their room to peek on them.... I love watching them sleep...
• When I peeked in on them, I remembered they weren't there :(
• I know its not the same thing, but having the boys gone makes me feel so so so sad and sorry for those who have lost a child. I couldn't imagine them both just being "gone" like that. 
• I'm lonely.
• Maybe empty nest syndrome is the cause for my baby making overdrive this month... 
• Izzaq caught his first fish on Sunday with papa Chad. This makes me overjoyed and extremely sad at the same time. I miss MY Grandpa. He would have been so proud.

• RockerByeBaby has almost doubled in sales from last year...
• ^ That is insanity. Awesomely, psychotically, hair-pulling, vodka redbull drinking, non-sleeping insanity... 
• I wouldn't have it any other way...
• Being home with my husband without kids has been amazing. People should be jealous about how much we still talk, kiss, love, be silly, have fun, after 5 years of chaos. 
• Zaq and I did everything backwards... we had about 1 year of good, then a few of bad, with a really bad thrown in there, then a good, and now a great. I like that order of things... At this point, and what we have been trough... theres nothing that can tear us apart. 
• We're a cute couple sometimes :) 

• I can't wait to go home to visit.... It will either make me not want to leave, or remind me why i left... hmmm.
• I wish my "internet friends" were my "in real life friends" and we could have fun play dates, and get mani-pedi's, go shopping, and have girls nights out.... instead - im anti-social, stay home, and get anxiety from going shopping. 
• In about 5 days - I have gone from 1,159 fans... to 1,588 <-- this is amazingness in my book... keep it going! Fan here!
• My Aymee is due ANY day now... can you believe it!? 
• Shes beautiful.

• I love doing the wash load of laundry. Feels good to get it done.
• If I could have a giant pile of clean clothes in the closet id be happiest girl on earth... i hate... HATE folding clothes. its my least favorite chore... 
• I want a cupcake.
• I have been reading Uncharted TerriTori... so far so good ;)
• I have a new obsession with Betsey Johnson bras... And I keep finding great deals!
• Zaq has a new obsession with Betsey Johnson bras... apparently my boobs look great, haha.
• Adam said if I couldn't say *lol  I would spontaneously combust...
• He is probably right. 
• *Note to self - stop saying *lol*
• I sent two shirts to SaraSophia to have her little Pixie model them, and i am just DYING to see the pictures. She has such amazing talent, i know they will be great!
• Im so hungry... considering a turkey sandwich for breakfast. 
• Since moving to California, i have gotten two horrible haircuts. 
• Im scared to get another one... considering waiting till i get back to MPLS to go to Moxie, Micah wont mess it up.
• About once a week I buy something random for the new baby im hoping for...
• Im not even pregnant yet.
• I think i might be ;) Testing in 2 more days if no period.
• Im supposed to have my tattoo sleeve finished when we go home to Minneapolis. Ive been waiting over a year... and my luck, I will find out i pregnant 2 weeks before... and then wait another year... 
• The other day, zaq and i spent an entire afternoon watching an America's Next Top Model marathon... and he didn't even complain. 
• Secretly - he loved it i think... #myhusbandisnotgayiswear
• I need to get to work.