Squarespace Blog / "parenting"

Annnnd.... im a jerk :(

Nothing better to finish off a crappy day than making a 4 year old cry... :( Today the boys were horrible. Screaming, yelling, fighting, hitting, pushing, running... just being terrible to each other... for 10 hours i put up with chaos today while trying to cook, clean, & work... and throw any idea at them to keep them entertained... nothing worked... finally around 6 tonight I made some dinner... which was quickly followed with toddler tantrums. Apparently I didn't make the right food choices. *mommy fail, again...* I had finally bribed them into eating all their dinner in order to get a cookie... *mommy win!* Sugar buzz... {head/desk} *mommy fail, AGAIN* Just as I was starting to lose all hope in salvaging any of this day, Nightmare Before Christmas came on... they plopped their little butts on the couch and sat like statues... YAY!! When the movie was over, it was time for bed... this part was going surprisingly better than I had expected... until I opened my mouth of course...  now let me give you a little back story... When I was a kid I had a bad habit of licking my lips.. and i got a horrible red ring around my mouth... it was so bad, and beyond looks, it always hurt! But... it was a habit i couldn't break until my mom put some gross lotion stuff on them the doctor gave her... Now, of all my crappy habits, of course this is the one IzzaQ picks up...

day after day his perfect little lips get a little more red... I try to stop him when I see it, and I always am lubin' him up with Aveeno chapstick... Well tonight I did the usual... tucked him in, kissed him goodnight.... and said "oooh baby, your lips look sore & red! Lets put on some chapstick, you don't want to look like a Clown do you?" And all Hell broke loose... histerical IzzaQ: MOM! You hurt my feelings!! I dont want to be a clown!! Then I will scare you away forever!! Me: Oh no honey, I dont want you to be a clown either, im sorry... I just dont want you to have owie lips. {holding back tears} this went back and forth for a good 10 minutes... he kept hugging me and hugging me... I really hurt is feelings and I didnt mean to... I felt SO SO bad. My poor baby :(

Its crazy though... hes growing up so fast... 6 months ago I could have said something like that and he probably would have giggled and made a silly clown face... but now - he takes things like that personally... when did this happen!? When did my little baby boy turn into such a mini man? I dunno... but Im sure not ready for it...
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Mentoring Monday: Children are Water, We are the Glass

As usual, Monday welcomes another post by new mama to Maddie, Aymee. Leave her some love!
Our Children are Water, and we are the Glass      H₂O: the single most important tangible substance for life on Earth. It is what allows all organisms to flourish. This naturally renewable source is a cure-all for when we are sick, tired, and run-down. Water is the most pliable element, taking the shape of whatever container it resides in. Take the simple image of a cool glass of water. What comes to mind? Rejuvenation, refreshment, mmm…a good feeling.
      If our children are water, then we are the glass that holds them. Some glasses are simple cylinders; some are artfully colorful or eye-catchingly shaped. But they all serve the same purpose: to provide a receptacle for water to do its job and reach its full potential. When one thinks of a glass of water, one focuses on the water. The glass is often taken for granted. But if the glass is structurally unstable (i.e. a crack in the side), precious liquid will helplessly leak out making a mess. Parenting is a lot like being a glass. We have a responsibility to stay structurally sound so our children can reach their full potential and fuel a better future.
      Originally, I did not plan to have children until I was finished with college. College-then-kids is the stereotypically expected plan in our culture because college-with-kids is damn hard. But late last year, a burning stillness rose within me to have a baby. Adam had been prodding for children for years. Six months into dating we went to see Jersey Girl in the theater. As the credits began to roll, he looked lovingly at me and said, “Let's have a baby.” --!!!-- “Get away from me!” I humorously thought. Working on my Associates degree, we weren't even married yet (not that you have to be married to have kids). I made him wait five and half years, and I'm lucky he's so patient. When I enrolled in school last fall, I still had every intention of finishing my Bachelors before getting pregnant. But in November, something changed within me. The time came, and I had a peace in my heart and my gut so strong: I knew I had to listen. My mom, who lovingly pressed me to finish college, softly questioned my judgment. “What about school?” she asked. In her head, it probably sounded more like, “ARE YOU CRAZY?! Do you have any idea what you're in for?” But I'm an extremely lucky individual. My mom is amazing, supportive, and keen enough to have always known her strong-willed daughter has to follow her heart, even if she sees otherwise.
      Following my heart paid off. As Adam puts it, “We hit the jackpot.” Our little girl is more wonderful in every way than I ever imagined. I like to think the stars aligned last November, my soul sensed it, and thank goodness I listened. Still, in the back of my mind I wonder if having my plate so full will have a negative impact on my parenting abilities? The conclusion I always come back to is this: the answer is up to me. The answer will lie in how I prioritize my obligations. It is a given that my child and husband come first. Then my job and school come next. And my sanity? Well…
      It would be easy to decline into a slippery slope of sacrificing my sanity for the sake of my responsibilities. But will that eventually make me a cracked glass? Certainly. In the circular method of doing what's best for my child, I have to take care of myself. The battle is figuring out how to deliver on all three planes without becoming overwhelmed and losing hope--but it's not impossible. At my college, forty percent of the student body are working parents. And like them, I am (somehow) still passing my classes and my child is thriving. Or take a lot of the working Moms on Etsy & Artfire: Brooke, Steph, and even our beloved Amber; multiple kids and successful stores they run by themselves. If they can do it and stay sane, so can I. With a positive mindset, it is amazing what we are capable of.
      I find taking pride in my struggle for Maddie yields further motivation. Taking comfort in doing the right thing for my family, regardless of how hard it may be, gives me the energy to press on. To get up before dawn, to stay calm when she's not, to attend class instead of go home and have a beer: all for my family. Yes, water fuels the future. But who knew it fueled the glass holding it?


Amber edit: Thanks Mee-Mee, this could have been more perfect today... today my friend, has been a total whirlwind.. cooking, cleaning, working, parenting, wifing, and i still have about 6 hours to go... its 7:30 (head/desk) doing it with my sanity? I dunno... some days (like today) I swear my heads gunna explode... other days? Piece of cake.. I just keep focusing on the next day... get as much done today because "the next day" will be easier... it seems to help me get buy and stay focused on the tasks at hand... if not, i get completely overwhelmed... i love you!
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Note to Self Saturday: Just breathe.

A to do list... or a to dont list... or maybe an already did list... i dunno...
A rant about my day(s):
  • Zaq's Christmas present showed up in the mail yesterday... This makes me happy, i hope he loves it. 
  • IzzaQ is so incredibly intelligent... its a blessing and a curse already - I can only imagine what this will be like when he is older. 
  • Once Aymee and I talked about how we hope our children grow up to be strong and independent adults... if your doing your job right, the also comes with a strong and independent toddler... he gets "stonger" every day...
  • I am SO crazy busy in the store... that Heather has had a suitcase of my stuff for over 2 months now... because i havn't had time to go downtown. *fail*
  • Bullet points make me feel organized. Im not...
  • Yesterday my puppies pooped on the carpet twice... then Zavery pooped in his pants, and before i realized it - i stepped in it... it was a "shitty" day.
  • I wish leaving California didn't mean leaving my "Dixie"... My world was much less chaotic with her around... moving here was supposed to mean we had more help... so far, we have lots less, and when i do get it, im still paying for it. I shoulda just made Dixie come with me.  I miss her.
  • Zavery needs a haircut... he has been called a girl in every store we go into, about 239842308570938450984504398503985034985029384029 times... no matter what he is wearing... full on boy clothes, they still say "she".
  • Today has been a stressful day... crazy kids, too much work... and a super rude customer. 
  • Daddy texted to say he went to the store on his lunch break and got me a couple bottles of wine... this makes me happy.
  • Majority of my friends are pregnant... and today I found out about one more... *shhhh* i cant tell!
  • Im still fighting with myself about #3 or not... daily. Probably more like 5-10 times a day. 3 times a charm right? Because I don't think i can continue on the miscarriage emotional/physical roller coaster.
  • I woke up this morning singing the "outdoors" sesame street song by Jason Mraz (youtube it.)
  • Tonight i think i spent over $300 just on fabric... and tomorrow i have to go to the fabric store... and still have loads more to buy!
  • I miss my hubby... im lonely when he closes. I dont know how military wives do it. Stronger ladies than I am thats for sure!
  • Last night i made the most DELICIOUS turkey chili & corn bread... can't wait to have leftovers tomorrow :)
  • Zaq keeps asking what I want for christmas.... what more COULD i want? Im pretty fortunate.
  • I get more excited getting presents for other people than thinking about what i might get myself... 
  • Umizoomi is over :( That means bed time... and back to the sewing machine for me... see you guys next time!


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SAHM/WAHM/NOTCM

I'm a lot of people around this house... Im #1, the mom.... #2, the wife.... the chef, the maid, butler, the chauffeur, the teacher, the friend, the teammate, the seamstress, the designer, the shipper, the customer service representative, the marketing manager, the web designer, the promoter,  the babysitter, the blogger and the list goes on and on.... Im a Stay At Home Mom.... but a Work at Home Mom...... and in my book, that makes me a Never Off the Clock Mom.... sometimes it is so hard for me to shut off... I find myself sitting down to send an email, thinking about what pictures should be edited and listed. I sit down at the machine and think about what packages I should be packing... and I spend hours packing packages, all while thinking about how much I should be getting done on the sewing machine. Finding a balance between work life & home life has been impossible... Why? Because they are the same.  Zaq and I bicker about this often... Its impossible for me to just sit down with my husband and relax, Im always sneaking peeks at the iPhone to check emails, or thinking about what i "should" be doing, even though spending time with him is at the top of my list, it never seems to get the full attention it deserves... there is always something to be done, stuck in the back of my mind... Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my career path for anything... I absolutely love what I have created and couldn't be more happy. Any job you can do in your PJ's, and love.... is a job worth keeping... I just wish that sometimes I could shut off my brain.  For example, last night, it was 4:30 am and I was laying in bed sending work emails... I think most normal people were sleeping. Now, that being said, I'm not exactly normal when it comes to the store. I bend over backwards for customers, and try to keep my customer service very high... (trust me) there are a lot of etsy shops that don't keep up the same standards. And my guess would be that they sleep a little easier at night... Somehow my "days off" have changed meaning... instead of sewing, it just means running errands like shipping packages, and picking up fabric... Maybe even cleaning the office... Or it means the weekly "deep clean" of the house... My dinner plans have changed from elaborate chicken parmesan and steak & potatoes... to crock pot turkey chili, crock pot beef and noodles, tater tot hot dish and baked rotini... these are all things that can be made in the AM while my Keurig spits out its first cup of coffee (out of 3 for the day) and my kids eat breakfast... they either cook on low all day, or get thrown in the oven when Zaq's on his way home... (the dinners, not the kids... i don't recommend baking children.) You dont want to know what I live off when he is NOT here.... but Ill tell you anyways. Lean Pockets - Spinach & Artichoke... & Mr. Changs Microwavable shrimp or vegetable egg rolls. Gross right? Totally... don't worry. I always feed the kids proper, and usually organic meals... I just don't as usual take care of myself in the same manner.

I know so many work at home moms (and dads) that deal with these same daily trials... some just as busy, some busier... but i gotta know. How do you do it? Can you shut off? Even if just for a little while... or Am I crazy? I would love some input on the matter, as Im sure there is plenty to be heard :) Love you guys... and i miss blogging... i just (duh, me) have been so busy I havn't had any time... but today i made time just to share this little rant with you.... look forward to hearing what you have to say!

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Mentoring Monday: Daddy & Maddie Journal

Another amazing post by daddy, Adam.  Its been awhile... but well worth the wait!!
Mentoring Mondays Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad. By-the-minute journal entry of Maddie and I earlier this week.

12:17 AM:  I’m on whiskey-number 4 and whiskey-number 5 is looking pretty good right about now.  Sure it’s late and I need to be up around 6:30 AM but what the hell?!  Taking care of a baby isn’t too hard.  She sleeps mostly anyway.  Might as well enjoy the night.
12:42 AM:  Whiskey-number 5 was just great.  Here’s to whiskey-number 6 and getting all nostalgic over old music videos on Youtube.
01:29 AM:  Bryan Adams is the most underrated songwriter of all time.  I’m sure of it.  Hang on, I’m going to call my ex-girlfriend, scream “bitch,” and then hang up.
01:31 AM:  Alcohol made me forget about cell phones and their built-in caller id.  This will be embarrassing tomorrow.
02:17 AM:  ….must…sleep….room…spinning….thank…god….I…don’t….have…to…work…until…five..tomorrow…kid?.. what…kid?
06:57 AM:  Baby crying.  Head splitting.  Momentarily try to think of child abuse statutes in my home state but my head hurts too much.  Baby still crying.  Must do something…
06:58 AM:  Pacifiers RULE!
06:59 AM:  Pacifiers SUCK!  They only work for a minute when she’s hungry.
07:04 AM:  Holding Maddie while feeding her.  She’s so damn cute, I momentarily forget about my mental-threat of child abuse.  Being a Dad ROCKS!
07:14 AM:  Maddie just threw up all over me.  Being a Dad BLOWS!
07:15 AM:  After cleaning up myself and Maddie, she smiles at me and coos.  Decide that Maddie can live a bit longer.
09:23 AM:  Maddie falls asleep in my arms while we are chilling on the couch.  She’s so beautiful and precious.  I feel lucky to be alive and am grateful for her and all that I have.
11:35 AM:  Maddie cuts a fart that would put the Blazing Saddles campfire scene to shame.  I momentarily marvel at the awesomeness of my daughter.
11:36 AM:  I check her diaper after the above mentioned fart.  Oh. My. God.  Screw that, there IS no god.  Nothing that foul can come out of something so small and cute.
11:38 AM:  Diaper changed and I am forever changed.  I now understand battle-hardened Marines and their thousand-yard-stares.  They saw it all and came back from the brinks.  So did I.
12:04 PM:  I get hungry and decide to make a sandwich.
12:05 PM:  Every time I walk away Maddie starts crying.  As soon as I walk in to where she can see me, she stops crying and smiles.  Too cute.  But I am hungry.  Back to sandwich.
12:08 PM:  After four minutes of back and forth from the kitchen to the living room and still unable to construct a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I slowly come to the realization that I’m being schooled by a three-month old.  I am shamed.  Maddie keeps smiling.
01:17 PM:  Maddie goes down for her nap and I hop on the internet to check my chances of spontaneous combustion.
01:18 PM:  Outlook not good for spontaneous combustion.
02:19 PM:  The wife calls and says we need more diapers.  I tell her that she’d better go and get them.  She asks me “what?!”  I say “nothing, dear.  What size?”  The wife then reminds me that this is Minnesota and that it’s cold out and that I need to put Maddie in her bunting.  I tell her that that is not an appropriate verb to use about our daughter.  She says “I said ‘bunting’ you idiot!  With a ‘b’ and not a ‘c!’”  A quick check from Google confirms this.  Again, I am shamed.  And apparently a pervert.
02:24 PM:  I finally get Maddie into her bunting.  Spend a moment marveling at how ridiculous she looks.  She looks like Ralphie from A Christmas Story.  She looks like something Lewis Carroll would’ve dreamt of while on copious amounts of acid.
03:30 PM:  In the past half-hour I’ve managed to feed Maddie, change her, take a shower and get dressed for work.  Spend the next seven minutes making sure Maddie doesn’t throw up on my pants or shirt.
03:34 PM:  Epic FAIL.  Must find clean shirt.  Hmm.  The one on floor next to the laundry basket doesn’t smell too bad…
03:37 PM:  The wife comes home and I leave thirty seconds later.
03:44 PM:  Creeping onto the highway at twenty miles per hour, I try to remember what my wife looks like.  But in my mind all I can see is Maddie.
04:46 PM:  Pull into the parking lot of Best Buy to start my shift.  I am beyond tired.
06:32 PM:  A customer seems upset that we don’t carry the type of guitar strings he wants.  I resist the urge to grab him by the shirt and scream “Hey man!  It’s no big deal!  They’re just guitar strings!  You wanna know what happened to me today?!  I got shit on, pissed on and puked on and I’m here smiling.  You, you’re all bent out of shape over guitar strings!”  But I say none of this.
07:11 PM:  Even after all the above-mentioned events of the day, I find that I miss Maddie.  I sneak out to call the wife to inquire about the baby.  All is fine.
10:36 PM:  Done with work.  My whole body hurts.  I’m so tired that even my hair hurts.  I stagger to my Mazda and drive home.
11:11 PM:  Home.  The wife is asleep on the couch with Maddie resting belly-down on her chest.  It is easily the most beautiful scene I will witness all year.
11:22 PM:  I make a light dinner, careful to not make too much noise and sit down to eat.  As I sit down the wife stirs and opens her eyes, sees me and smiles.  Now I remember what my wife looks like.  She looks like love and joy.  I remind myself that I am very lucky.
12:17 AM:  We put Maddie into her crib gently as to not disturb her slumber.  She’s a sleeping angel with light red hair, big blue eyes and  a mouth that can’t help but smile.  The wife gives me a hug and a kiss and thanks me for taking such good care of our baby.  Shucks Ma’am.  T’was nothing.

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