Squarespace Blog / "blogging"

My Making a Baby - WTF.


Now, this may be a TMI post, but its my blog, so im gunna go for it anyways... lol Today I started "spotting" This is now week 9 since my last real period (if thats what this spotting turns into)... Zaq and I have been "trying" to make a baby for 2 months now... Yes... over two months since he said "just do it" over cocktails, and I took out my IUD... yes, I... Now - im starting to get really impatient here... and frustrated... and sad... and really emotional... and after all that, humbled. It was always a big joke to us... this whole baby making thing that is... Neither of the boys were planned.... two little accidents surprises that changed my world for the better... Zaq and I got together in November of 2005, by Feb 2006, I was pregnant with Izzaq.... we work fast, lol In October 12th of 2006 Izzaq was born, and in January, when I went in to get my IUD I was pregnant with Zavery, lol  *ahem* fast.   it was totally insane... but I wouldn't change it for the world... and just for a little flash into what my days looked like... I give you... the three greatest pictures on earth...
this is where it all started... in the hospital... and Izzaq has been picking on Zavery ever since...This was my absolute chaos... trying to start up RockerByeBaby with a one year old, a newborn... and a super sexy nursing bra, lol
and this... ahhhh this picture... you will notice here my sweetly sleeping newborn... and my happy pre-tot. why? Well izzaq has zavery's blanket and pacifier... and if you look, you will see its still attached to him, lol

So, point of the story is, were fertile... or "fertile mertile" as Hot Mama Gowns says, lol. We make babies and we make them fast... none of this "trying" nonsense... Im starting to wonder if this is just a little reality check... I've always been such a smart ass about getting pregnant... you know, things like... oh - zaq bumps into me in the hallway and I get pregnant... orrrr if he looks at me the right way I get pregnant. And now here I am 2 months into "trying" and I have a miscarriage and a period... im 0/2 and i'm not liking these odds. Now - I should say this... we are not like, "break out the calendar, thermometer, and lets make us a baby" trying. Were just doing the... "hey sex is fun and im not on birth control" kind of trying... and it is... fun that is ;) *sorry mom*
 I dunno... all in all this has been a very humbling experience. I never thought I would have to "try" to have a baby after the first two... and I remember growing up being afraid that I would be able to have kids... I've always loved kids, and if I had the money I would have like 10 of them... but maybe not? Maybe my body won't let me... maybe my body is telling me two is enough? OR maybe... I do have to really TRY? I have lots of friends... healthy, young friends trying to have kids and just aren't getting pregnant... it happens. It happens ALL the time and I am no different. And it really makes me appreciate those who are being so supportive. It's one thing to want something like a dream that seems out of reach... a million dollars... to be president... or an astronaut... but a mom seems like it should be such a simple process. You get married (or not till later in my case, lol), you go off BC, you make a baby... ta-da! BABY! Everyone knows where babies come from right? If not ask izzaq, he will tell you. So many people have to try for years to have a successful pregnancy... some pay thousands... tens of thousands of dollars to get a pregnancy... and some give up trying and adopt... I just don't know how far I would be willing to go... what if a year from now Im still trying... am I willing to pay someone to make it happen? I dunno... I know its only been two months and I feel selfish being pouty about it when some of you are probably laughing at me right now... I just didn't expect it...  I never even considered a miscarriage was a possibility... was just so excited to be pregnant, and now its gone... and here I am again with a most likely failed cycle 2... time to grab a bottle of wine and *cheers* to "third times a charm"... 
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Walmart... robbing wallets one Toy Story isle at a time...

So - today we had to go to Wal-Mart... *barf* and its not one of those nice new Wal-Marts... It's an old, always crowded, over shopped Wal-Mart... and it makes me crazy... but I have no choice... The Poly-Fil I get for crib bedding comes from there, they sell it in bulk... and the same brand costs double at Joann. Anyways, im off topic. Wal-Mart...

As most of you know... Zavery loves Toy Story... no, OBSESSES over Toy Story... and no schidt, every damn isle had something toy story... Toy Story towels... Toy Story soap... movies... fruit snacks... and FRACKIN MAC N CHEESE!?




What the Heck!? Give it a rest people...Its hard enough to get through wal-mart avoiding the toy section... but no... they move entire ISLES of toys, to the middle of the store just to be sure your kids see it and throw and screaming fit in front of everyone. Then, of course, again when you are in the check out line... because everyone needs Toy Story collectable cards, right? ugh, fml.  
It was literally like a war zone... You should have seen me shuffling through those isles.. dodging left and right... then it happened... OH NO! We've been hit! ugh... noooo not the Toy Story Cereal... GROOOOSSSS!! alright fine... if it'll keep you quiet... *shuffle shuffle... dodge... SHIT! TURNAROUND TURNAROUND!!!* annnnd its too late, we've spotted the enemy... The Toy Story Mac 'n' Cheese.. yup, i caved... mrs. always Annie's organic totally blew it with the .99 cent mac n cheese. I swear we have every Toy Story creation... I am SOOOO not the "commercial" type. If everything i owned from here out was handmade I'd be ecstatic... but no... he can't be obsessed with organic t'shirts... or vegetables... that would make my life much too easy... its gotta be the plastic mass produced crap from overseas of course...  Lets not forget the giant Buzz Lightyear zaq bought... remember that? The one that has been causing tantrums since the day it came home? Yeah... It was broken on day two... the wing broke, it no longer pops open or stays shut... just hangs there... and then since then its been thrown down the stairs, tossed off the couch... dropped in the toilet (stopped "talking" for about 3 days) and yesterday zaq had to snap off the shield because one side was broken... awesome right? I say thats a big #win for expensive plastic toys... NOT. So yeah... thats my rant for the day... Wal-Mart... I hate you... Go clean your Riverside, CA store... and Toy Story... I don't need your picture on every box of fruit snacks, tooth paste, or cereal I come into contact with... and if you must, can you put it on some Organic stuff thats not filled with total crap, sugar and will cause both obesity & diabetes in my child... thanks... just a thought ;) Now, Im not "blaming" toy story... is it annoying? Totally... but obviously I can say no... sometimes its just not worth the fight over a .99 cent box of mac n cheese... and dont get me wrong... some of the TS toys i actually enjoy... Of ALL of our toy story toys... there are 3 that I really like... I like the little Toddler friendly Buzz... (see older blog post for reference)... And I love the little Buzz & Woody Buddy sets that Sarah got us... and the new little Buzz Jammies that nana sent  us today... because after seeing this... they passed the "creative play" test, lol  There is a "button" for the laser on his shirt and he is going nuts over it, lol running around "zapping" everything. So really now, thats it... im done ranting... our craptastic day of shopping finished with cuteness like brotherly love... so all in all it was a win... would love to hear everyones opinion on all the commercial stuff out there... is there anything your kids go wild over that makes you crazy?
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Favorites Friday: Gotta stay Positive

Like "The Hold Steady" say - ya gotta stay positive... and among all the sadness and angst surrounding the last week... i like to think i have done just that... Has it been hard to find positivity following a miscarriage? Totally... but im doing it... im keeping really busy in the store... spending lots of extra quality time with the boys... getting out there in the sunshine... and well, obviously - retail therapy... lots & lots of shopping... after all... we will be trying again right away... and hoping for the best... So, in honor of that... I think it was only appropriate for our "back to blogging" favorites Friday to be about all the gender neutral things I wanna snag for the future #3...or as zaq says.... Z3PO... dork


#1: EcoAryis - Wooden Skull Teether
#2: mere1975 - The Cash Mobile... Modern Paper nursery mobile...
#3: PetitePensieri - Dia De Los Muertos Ribbon Handle Ball
#4: RockyTheZombie - Zombie Skulls & Balloons onesie
#5: Kellifresen - Giraffe Skulls
#6: HelloPrettyBird - Mushrooms on Red Burp Rag
#7: Baby Boo Felt - Boom Box Sensory Block
#8: MissBakersStitches - Personalized Dolly Rattle Teether (Girl or Boy, one of these is a must... maybe a ooak skully one :)
#9: HandMadePretties - Rock N Roll Giant Fleece Themed Ball

If any of you amazing sellers would like to sponsor a review & giveaway, please let me know! We would absolutely love to have you :) Look through older posts to see an example. Thanks!
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Pouty Pants Rants...

So - this is a blog... and with ALLL of the giveaway crazyness almost coming to a close, i think its time a start really blogging again... lots of stuff all built up in the old noggin just begging to be vented... So here we go... I think bullet points will do nicely...
  • Sometimes my husband makes me street rat crazy... our views on parenting are so different 80% of the time that it makes us argue... and were both stubborn... maybe someday we will swallow our pride and start learning from each other.
  • I love him more than anything and couldn't imagine being a parent with anyone else... he's an AMAZING daddy... and an even more amazing husband. "Let settle this once and for all... your my one and only, you finish my story... crowned king & kind of this broken world... your kingdom is mine...."
  • I love blogging to the world...
  • I hate being judged because of it...
  • I have an obsession with Hard Apple Cider (beer) i wish it came in a n/a version so i could drink it all day long, lol
  • I find much more fulfillment in buying things for other people than buying for myself... 
  • I love doing things to make people smile. Be it a plane ticket to visit... A couple nighties in the mail... or freebies in a package... its all good stuff.
  • Some days, the store makes me so insane that I think I would sell it for a bottle of wine and a good book...
  • I would be lost without my store... Who needs time to read anyways?
  • Social Networking has shown me that "real friends" doesn't mean "in real life"... You all know who you are, and i love you all dearly :)
  • Some of my best customers have turned into my best friends... i feel silly when you buy stuff... but I appreciate it more than you know...
  • Some times... my kids make me so crazy, i consider shipping them Priority Mail to Brooke... 
  • Other days, (like today) they are such perfect little adorable angels that I wonder how the hell it is I got so lucky...
  • On Friday, I started to have a miscarriage. I was devastated...
  • On Saturday, Hubby came home from work early to "take care of me" I took a nap for the first time in probably 3 years... See bullet #2.
  • Today I got a negative pregnancy test... its official... i miscarried... I felt selfish for being so upset... there are so many people out there that can't get pregnant and I have two beautiful boys that love me. 
  • Today I took the day off work to show the boys how much I love them too. 
  • I am 1 year away from a degree in Psychology w/ a minor in Sociology... 
  • Ill probably never finish.
  • I LOVE love LOVE to shop.... 
  • I hate not having money, lol
  • The other day i took over 90 photos of Zaq trying to get Zavery to go potty... it was worth every it to get this ONE perfect shot... *shrug*


  • I miss my grandpa.... every... single... day... and I want to get a tattoo of his senior portrait so i can see him... every... single... day.......
  • I have over 50 glittersniffer eyeshadows... half of them i dont even use... i need more. ;)
  • I envy the fact that Kyle from Barley & Birch has employees...
  • I feel bad that Kyle has employees... Im totally obsessive and crazy like she is... and she would probably be less stressed if she did it all on her own... lol
  • I feel the need to help everyone I come across... sometimes this puts me in a bad position... and usually, i don't care...
  • I hate that I have been gone from MPLS for so long... that by the time I see Aymee again she will have gone from not pregnant, to pregnant, to holding a baby girl. This is way too long... and i have a heavy heart for the fact i want get to feel Maddie kick from inside her big 'ol pregnant belly... I love you Mimi...
  • I am secretly in love with the Hannah Montana movie, and get excited when the kids want to watch it... shhhhh PLEASE dont tell. It will ruin my reputation forever.
  • I dont tell my mom that I love her enough... mom, i love you.
  • I would do pretty much anything to have my old jeep Cherokee back... that "pretty much anything" does not include waiting to have another baby... so I guess I will wait on the jeep.
  • Sometimes I wonder why it is my husband still loves me... i'm damaged goods... but still, he loves me anyways. 
  • Before I married zaq, we had two kids together. People judged me in the store for my tattoos, piercings, hot pink mohawk, being very young and no ring assuming I was a piece of crap trashy mother... what they didn't know is my "boyfriend" made great money, I was a SAHM/WAHM with a beautiful 4 bedroom house in the suburbs. Don't judge a book by its cover.
  • This blog has gone on way too long...
  • I could go on for forever... 
So there we have it... my pouty pants rants for the day... its been a crazy and emotionally draining 5 days... yet somehow, my hubby & kids and given me plenty of reasons and ways to smile... thanks for that.... "I can't be me without you," baby... and to all of you who have sent you "sticky baby dust" and your "healing dust" I appreciate it... Lets hope this next round goes better... and that 10 months from now I will be holding a beautiful, healthy baby girl... *cough* or boy of course... ;)
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Mentoring Mondays: Boys...


Post 3 from the amazing Adam Thurston... LOVING this new segment :) And I know the followers are too!! Thanks, Adam, for sharing with my readers and I... even though we're so far away... it will be like we've been there all along... :) p.s. you can find his blog here... follow him :)
Mentoring Mondays: Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad.
Boys.
Hey Madeline.  Last time I “saw” you, you were giving your mother heartburn.  Just a heads up; that’s not the best way to score points with your mom before you’re even born but I guess that’s not really your fault. 
I was originally going to only post Boys: See your mother!  But after thinking on it, I want to weigh in on a few points.  When you get older (tween, teen, etc) boys will become a pretty big focus on your life.  While this is fun and all, you’re mainly fulfilling human instinct to find a life-mate.  And if your experiences are anything like mine, you will kiss some frogs (or in my case, frog-ettes) in this search.  I’m here to lay some groundwork to hopefully make this smoother for you.  And really, as your dad, that’s my job; to help you learn from your mistakes.  I’ll let you fall…but I’ll always catch you.
The first guy you’re going to know will be me and you‘ll likely measure all guys you meet to me.  That’s a lot to live up to and I naturally want to be the best.  How I live and behave in my daily life will be a reflection to you of most, if not all men.  Now I’m a pretty easy going guy but I would be remiss in my duties as a father if I didn’t tell you what you have EVERY RIGHT TO EXPECT out of a guy as well as CRAZY CRAP ALL GUYS PULL.  This is a partial list of potential encounters.
1.  Abuse:  Abuse of any type should never be allowed.  This includes, but is not limited to, shoving, hitting, slapping, weapon-use, etc.  It’s also important to mention emotional and psychological abuse.  A potential mate should make you feel good about yourself!  There’s enough stress in daily life to deal with.  You don’t need some asshat with mommy issues to make it harder.  I won’t stand for it and neither should you.  Hopefully, by the time you get to the dating stage of your life, your mother and I will have instilled enough self esteem and confidence in you so that you know that kind of crap isn’t tolerated.  A daddy can always hope…
2.  Weirdness:  Guys are just weird.  We don’t go to bathrooms in pairs.  We don’t spend hours getting ready.  We don’t walk around asking “Do these jeans make me look fat?”  But we’re weird all the same.  I wish I had some great sage advice on the secret to men but I and three billion other guys are still working on figuring out the secret to women.  All I can tell you is that you should be you.  Never compromise.  Don’t take any bullshit.  If you’re lucky you’ll find some weird guy and you’ll be able to tolerate his quirks long after the quirks quit being cute and he’ll be able to do the same for you.  This is rare, tough, and completely worth it.  This is your mother and I, BTW.  Our kung fu is strong and I hope you’ll find someone special with which to make your own.
3.  The Rockthrower:  You will meet this boy in the schoolyard during recess.  He will throw a rock at you.  It will hit you.  It will hurt.  You’ll ask him why he’s being an asshole (although I’d prefer if you don’t speak like your dad).  He’ll say something uber-intelligent like “You smell!”  And then he’ll run away.  This means he has a crush on you.  Although it seems like an odd way to show it, as stated above, boys are weird.  Don’t throw rocks back at him.  Corner him later and say something coy and witty like “You know, there are better ways to ask me out for ice cream.  I think this bruise on my arm is worth a double scoop, don’t you?”  And if his parents are at all worth their salt, he’ll say sorry and buy you ice cream.  Invite him over and I’ll grill us all some burgers.  And then I’ll show him my shotgun.  Naw, just kidding!  Real men don’t need guns to show that they’re men. Speaking of…
4  Real Men:  There are so many images that come to mind when one thinks of a “real man.”  Most of them are just macho posturing.  The Marlboro Man.  Frat boys.  Jocks.  Pauly Shore.  Well, maybe not that last one but the rest apply.  Guys come in all types, shapes, and sizes.  Some may look or seem appealing but I hope you’ll look for the qualities found in real men:  simple, honest, and brave.  A real man will always protect the ones he loves by any means necessary.  A real man makes that known to his loved ones without having to say it.  A real man will put your needs in front of his.  A real man knows his limitations.  A real man says he’s sorry.  And he means it. 
I hope to be that archetype for you, Maddie.  Four months until we meet.  I’m counting the days until I can hold my daughter.  Man, a daughter!  I never tire of saying it.  I can only hope you never tire of saying “daddy!”
I love you, Madeline Belle Thurston.
-Your Dad.
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