Squarespace Blog / "pregnancy"
Mentoring Mondays: What You'll Teach Me.
Post 5 from the amazing Adam Thurston... LOVING this new segment :) And I know the followers are too!! Thanks, Adam, for sharing with my readers and I... even though we're so far away... it will be like we've been there all along... :) p.s. you can find his blog here... follow him :)
Mentoring Mondays
Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad.
What you’ll teach me.
Hi Madeline. I read a book to your mother’s stomach last night and you rewarded me be kicking exactly where I was holding my hand. I have to say it was actually one of the coolest moments I’ve ever had in my life. You haven’t even drawn breath yet and you’re already making your old man into a softy. Don’t tell anyone, okay? I’ve got a rep to maintain.
So this week I thought we might put a little twist on this series. Thus far I’ve just been passing on general knowledge to you. But a big part of parenting (I’ll wager) is also learning from your kids! “How Daddy?” Why, I’m glad you asked little Maddie! One thing no parent ever wants to see is their child in pain.
See, when I was a kid I rode bikes, skateboards, roller blades and what not. I never wore any protective padding or helmets or any of that crap. Hell, my mom, your grandmother, didn’t make me wear a seatbelt until I was 8 because that was when the grand state of Missouri mandated that it was law. As far as the afore mentioned mobile habits, I got hurt. A lot. And what I did was pick myself up , dust myself off, and do it again and again until I didn’t get hurt. All that was expected from us kids was to be in when the street lights came on and to not hurt ourselves too badly. Nowadays most parents are so scared of their kids possible getting a bloody elbow that they (the parents) wrap their kids in bubble wrap and put those stupid wrist leashes on them as if they were pets. I think it’s over reactive and I’ll go a step further; I think it’s irresponsible parenting. I’ve always liked the bit from Lewis C.K. where he says something like “I’ve gotta take care of you! They took your footprint at the hospital and gave you a Social Security card! You’re on the grid motherf*cker! They’ll come for me if something happens to you!” For better or worse, I think that’s what most parents think. To me it says, I’m afraid that if you get hurt, other people will think it’s my fault and/or I‘ll feel bad.. I say a kid that isn’t covered in dirt and with a couple of Band-Aids hasn’t been being a kid. A kid going out and playing by themselves or with friends is an important and vital part of growing up and I’m not going to deny that to you. I’ll trust you because I’ll have already taught you some important basics. Such as:
Learn to walk before you run! This is an old adage I heard a long time ago and it’s stuck with me ever since. I love it because it applies to so much in life. Learn to walk before you run. Learn to climb before you jump. Learn to ride on four wheels before you attempt two. I suppose the point is to just pace yourself. That way you’ll seldom place yourself in over your head.
Don’t talk to strangers. (Soon we’ll devote a whole blog to that and I’ll tell you my near-abduction story from when I was a kid.)
Play in groups or be in as public of a place as possible. I’ll also explain the obvious yet necessary importance of this in the afore mentioned upcoming blog.
Back to the blog topic, I suppose the point is that you’ll be teaching me to relax a little and not be so tense about your safety. Now don’t get me wrong. Parents are generally always committed to the safety of their kids and I am no different. I’m just going to not try and take it overboard. Nor does this mean I’m going to let you run around with scissors or manhandle firearms. Just that I’m going to be constantly teaching you about situations and/or actions and then letting you take your own first steps towards them. And as stated on previous posts, I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall. Should you fall and I’m not there to see it, come home and I’ll kiss the booboo, apply a Band-Aid and, if you want, send you on your way for more adventures.
If we look at the subtitle to the blog, it is “Teaching you to be a Lady while you teach me to be a Dad.” I suppose I’ll have to learn to live with another “Lady” in the house. The other lady of course being your mother. But your mother is my peer. She’s also used to my sarcasm and unique form of wit which mainly means I make her roll her eyes and smile several times a day. But you aren’t going to grasp sarcasm and unique wit for quite some time. This means I have to relearn how to speak. I need to be a male role model for you after all. I’ll need to learn a new form of patience. Whether you mean to or not, you will test me in ways I’ve never experienced. I imagine the main thing I’ll learn from you is the afore mentioned patience. I tend to be somewhat reactionary and just want to fix problems as they happen. The thing is, you’ll have to learn to fix things too. So as soon as I’m done learning it, I’ll teach you patience. I’ll even loan you my Cliff notes. See, we’re in this whole thing together. Father/daughter. We’re both in uncharted territory for each other. But I’ll steer us to safety. I don’t have a map but I can see the lighthouse. A wise man once told me that being an adult doesn’t necessarily mean that you know the answer to everything. It just means that you have to make the best decision that you can. That thought used to scare me. It doesn’t scare me as much anymore. As I raise you and you temper me, I’ll know more and then be in a better position to make better decisions. This in turn will help me to teach you to make better decisions. Which means together you and I will hopefully be two pretty smart people. So that’s the plan, Maddie. We’ll get there together.
I love you, Maddie.
-Your Dad
Uncle Adam - this one got to me... everyone knows i have no father/daughter relationship aside from the once a month, "how ya doing? love you." text... and every post I read makes me more and more excited for Ms. Maddie to get here. Shes got a great daddy already... keep up the great parenting. Your miles ahead of MANY other "dads" out there... i knew you'd be great...
Mentoring Mondays: Im Your Dad
Hey guys! Welcome to a new segment called Mentoring Mondays... I was talking to one of my best buds adam the other night... thinking about how he MUST do a Swinger Sunday for me since he is such a great writer... but that turned into more and next thing we knew we were planning a weekly segment on my wide open Monday... ALLL about Adam's journey through fatherhood. And who knows, maybe we will even get Aymee to share a week or two! I love you both SO much and little Maddie too... thanks for sharing with my readers and I... even though we're so far away... it will be like we've been there all along... :) p.s. you can find his blog here... follow him :)Mentoring Mondays Teaching you to be a lady while you teach me to be a dad.
I’m your dad. Hi Madeline. You don’t know me. Hell, you don’t even know your own name. (BTW it’s Madeline.) But I’m your dad and by rights, in four and a half months I’ll be one of the two biggest influences in your life. While I may just be “daddy” to you, that title means I’ll be engaged in a 24/7 job of raising you and somehow having to make it look seamless and effortless. Don’t get me wrong; I welcome the challenge and the most rewarding part will be watching you grow from a helpless baby into an intelligent and confident woman. There’s so many things I want to show you and tell you. I suppose I have all of your life and the rest of mine to show and tell but let’s get two biggies up front. These aren’t rules for you. Those will come plenty soon enough. Rather, these are constant variables. Just like a science experiment. I know you don’t know what science is yet but just bear with your old man for a sec.
Constant One: I’ll always love you.The unconditional love between a parent and their child is the most pure emotion in the world. The reason why is that both parent and child start with clean slates towards each other. I haven’t wronged you and, until your first loaded diaper, you haven’t wronged me. And even the whole diaper thing isn’t really your fault. I, along with your mother…and I suppose by proxy, the doctor, will be the first people you meet. And essentially for your early years, I and your mother will be the only people you’ll know. I’ll feed you and read you books and make funny faces just to make you laugh. I’ll rock you to sleep and sing you songs. As you get bigger I’ll buy you a bike and teach you to ride it. When you get even older I’ll teach you to drive. As these events unfold, you’re bound to make mistakes. And that’s okay, Maddie. Everyone makes mistakes. My job as a parent is to help you learn from them. You’ll leave your bike out and I’ll tell you to bring it in. And if you take after your mother’s driving habits, you’re probably going to get in a car accident or three and I’ll tell you to pay more attention. And you’re likely to think ill of me during these moments but they only exist because I love you and know that you can learn from what happened. Through it all, I’ll always love you and I’ll always be your dad.
Constant Two: You can come to me for anything.And when I say “anything,” I mean ANYTHING. I will always listen to you. While you’re a baby I’ll happily listen to you babble. When you get older, feel free to come to me so we can converse about Big Bird or Yo Gabba Gabba or anything at all that your beautiful mind wants to talk about. I’m always your ear. Full disclosure: the secondary reasoning for this whole “come talk to me” stuff is for when you’re a teenager. Things can get pretty hairy in your teens, and I’m not just talking about your body. (Any excess body hair you might experience is all my fault. Sorry kiddo.) You and your friends/boyfriends/girlfriends are going to be turning into adults. Your hormones and emotions will be going bat-shit and you’re going to often feel like a pinball bouncing around all corners of a pinball machine. Sucky as it is, it’s all normal. “What,” you ask? “This is normal?! This sucks!” Yeah Maddie I know it sucks. That’s why I’m here. To help keep BS to a minimum and to help you stay your course. And I’ll never ever tell you “Because I said so.”
Constant Three: I’ll never ever say “Because I told you so!”I mean, let’s face it. It’s a weak come-back. It says “I don’t have a good reason for saying ‘no.’ I just don’t want you to do whatever it is you‘re about to do.” If I do or don’t want you to do something, I will always give you a valid reason why or why not. This is so I can always treat you as someone who has the ability to make their own decision about something. Now I may not always agree with your decision and may try to direct you to more harmonious endeavors, as I stated above, part of parenting is helping you learn from mistakes. That said, I’m not going to let you play a game of Russian Roulette. Why? Not because I told you so. Because I would’ve already told you that Russian Roulette is a very dangerous game where the best you can hope for is to still be alive afterwards and the worst that can happen is that you’ll share a death amongst all Arkansas rednecks; one that starts with the sentence “Hey y’all! Watch this!” Bottom line is: I’ll always give you a reason for my decision.
Well Madeline, that about does it for your dad. We have plenty of time to go over this stuff again and this isn’t a test. This is your life. I’m committed to seeing it be a great one. I’ll always be here for you. I haven’t even met you yet and you’re the love of my life. I love you Maddie.
-Your Dad
Swinger Sunday - "A Walk of Faith"
This week - welcome an old friend, Jessie to the "mic"... Jessie has been through a whole heck of alot... and im so proud of her for having the courage to share her pregnancy story with you... as I remember hearing all about it with lil Ben. Such a strong mama for going at it again... and such a pretty little girl her strength has brought her this time around :)
Tonight I decided to continue to claim and accept a part of what makes me who I am - a survivor of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I decided to do a walk to support awareness and raise money towards finding a cure and/or preventing the condition. Although I can say that in the past I have blamed myself in some sort of odd way for being a victim to this disorder or feeling inadequately made by my creator, I now know that it was never my fault and that God made me perfectly and that why this has happened to me now twice in my life is all but a bigger plan that I will someday know more about when I am laid at rest. What I know beyond all else is that my life has been incredibly blessed with two beautiful children and that my heart is at its happiest with the love I have for them. This walk I am doing, I feel, will sort of be a part of a healing process for me as well. I have sort of felt compelled to do this as well since the birth of my new two-week old daughter knowing that someday she will possibly face this condition as well as it can be hereditary. Last year I turned down doing this walk as it was too hard for me I feel emotionally to face up to the facts of what happened with the birth of my son and the emotional turbulence and shock of knowing my condition so I feel like I have made strides to do the walk this year and hope that I will continue on my journey of closure or peace.
For those of you who have never heard of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome (I never did either until it happened to me) is that Preeclampsia is a disorder that occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period and affects both the mother and the unborn baby. Affecting at least 5-8% of all pregnancies, it is a rapidly progressive condition characterized by high blood pressure and the presence of protein in the urine. Swelling, sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision are important symptoms; however, some women with rapidly advancing disease report few symptoms.
Typically, preeclampsia occurs after 20 weeks gestation (in the late 2nd or 3rd trimesters or middle to late pregnancy), though it can occur earlier. Proper prenatal care is essential to diagnose and manage preeclampsia. Preeclampsia, Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH) and toxemia are closely related conditions. HELLP Syndrome and eclampsia are other manifestations of the same syndrome. It is important to note that research shows that more women die from preeclampsia than eclampsia and one is not necessarily more serious than the other.
Globally, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. By conservative estimates, these disorders are responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths each year.
I developed pre-e and HELLP with my son suddenly in 2008 at 35 weeks into my pregnancy. I had a rare case of pre-e with non-typical signs of the disorder. I became very sick after my delivery as my liver was affected. I had to be on magnesium sulfate for a few days after giving birth to prevent me from having seizures. My son did well with only needing some breathing help the first day and a half. He is a normal, beautiful, average young 21 month old currently and is such a joy to raise.
I developed pre-e and HELLP with my daughter recently the last week of February, again in my 35th week of pregnancy. Thanfully, doctors caught it in its early stages and I was able to deliver (as delivery of the baby is the only cure for the condition) a beautiful, glowing baby girl who did fantastic after delivery not even needing breathing help. I was able to avoid being on drugs after delivery and had a much shorter stay in the hospital than my first birthing experience. My daughter is doing wonderful at home and is just a doll - can't wait to see what sugar and spice she brings to us!
I am touched that Amber donated to my cause and has me as her blogger guest this Sunday. She is an amazing woman with a big heart for people. If you would like to donate to my walk on May 8th around Lake Phalen in St. Paul, Minnesota, please visit the following website: http://www.promisewalk.org/pfpw/participantpage.asp?fundid=68&uid=188&fkroledescid=5&nnaffundid=12
Thank you for your encouragement. :)
Me again guys! If you have a few bucks to spare PLEASE donate to Jessie's walk :) Her goal is $100 and she is only $65 away! YAYYY Jessie! If you want to donate less than $15 just put choose OTHER in the donation box and you can enter in your own dollar amount. Every $1 helps and is much appreciated. And Ill make you a deal... for every $1 you donate to Jessies cause, Ill match it in a gift certificate to RockerByeBaby up to $20 per person... Give Jessie $15... Get a $15 GC for the shop. Cool!? COOL!
Read more →
Tonight I decided to continue to claim and accept a part of what makes me who I am - a survivor of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I decided to do a walk to support awareness and raise money towards finding a cure and/or preventing the condition. Although I can say that in the past I have blamed myself in some sort of odd way for being a victim to this disorder or feeling inadequately made by my creator, I now know that it was never my fault and that God made me perfectly and that why this has happened to me now twice in my life is all but a bigger plan that I will someday know more about when I am laid at rest. What I know beyond all else is that my life has been incredibly blessed with two beautiful children and that my heart is at its happiest with the love I have for them. This walk I am doing, I feel, will sort of be a part of a healing process for me as well. I have sort of felt compelled to do this as well since the birth of my new two-week old daughter knowing that someday she will possibly face this condition as well as it can be hereditary. Last year I turned down doing this walk as it was too hard for me I feel emotionally to face up to the facts of what happened with the birth of my son and the emotional turbulence and shock of knowing my condition so I feel like I have made strides to do the walk this year and hope that I will continue on my journey of closure or peace.
For those of you who have never heard of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome (I never did either until it happened to me) is that Preeclampsia is a disorder that occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period and affects both the mother and the unborn baby. Affecting at least 5-8% of all pregnancies, it is a rapidly progressive condition characterized by high blood pressure and the presence of protein in the urine. Swelling, sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision are important symptoms; however, some women with rapidly advancing disease report few symptoms.
Typically, preeclampsia occurs after 20 weeks gestation (in the late 2nd or 3rd trimesters or middle to late pregnancy), though it can occur earlier. Proper prenatal care is essential to diagnose and manage preeclampsia. Preeclampsia, Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH) and toxemia are closely related conditions. HELLP Syndrome and eclampsia are other manifestations of the same syndrome. It is important to note that research shows that more women die from preeclampsia than eclampsia and one is not necessarily more serious than the other.
Globally, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. By conservative estimates, these disorders are responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths each year.
I developed pre-e and HELLP with my son suddenly in 2008 at 35 weeks into my pregnancy. I had a rare case of pre-e with non-typical signs of the disorder. I became very sick after my delivery as my liver was affected. I had to be on magnesium sulfate for a few days after giving birth to prevent me from having seizures. My son did well with only needing some breathing help the first day and a half. He is a normal, beautiful, average young 21 month old currently and is such a joy to raise.
I developed pre-e and HELLP with my daughter recently the last week of February, again in my 35th week of pregnancy. Thanfully, doctors caught it in its early stages and I was able to deliver (as delivery of the baby is the only cure for the condition) a beautiful, glowing baby girl who did fantastic after delivery not even needing breathing help. I was able to avoid being on drugs after delivery and had a much shorter stay in the hospital than my first birthing experience. My daughter is doing wonderful at home and is just a doll - can't wait to see what sugar and spice she brings to us!
I am touched that Amber donated to my cause and has me as her blogger guest this Sunday. She is an amazing woman with a big heart for people. If you would like to donate to my walk on May 8th around Lake Phalen in St. Paul, Minnesota, please visit the following website: http://www.promisewalk.org/pfpw/participantpage.asp?fundid=68&uid=188&fkroledescid=5&nnaffundid=12Thank you for your encouragement. :)
Me again guys! If you have a few bucks to spare PLEASE donate to Jessie's walk :) Her goal is $100 and she is only $65 away! YAYYY Jessie! If you want to donate less than $15 just put choose OTHER in the donation box and you can enter in your own dollar amount. Every $1 helps and is much appreciated. And Ill make you a deal... for every $1 you donate to Jessies cause, Ill match it in a gift certificate to RockerByeBaby up to $20 per person... Give Jessie $15... Get a $15 GC for the shop. Cool!? COOL!
