This week I have seen two articles circulating the web that have done nothing but stir up drama in the mom circles... They seem to either be written by men trying to put women down or by another woman being sarcastic and defensive trying to make herself feel better for her own choices. One example is the article going around claiming that c-sections should be considered natural birth. The comments were FLOODED with so many opinions... some saying yes it should- either way the baby gets out... some saying no way... those of us that had unmedicated natural births vs. those choosing an elective c-section can't possibly be compared... and others shooting down women that have natural births saying you're just doing it for the attention of saying you were in pain, there's no hero cookie, etc. Just spewing word vomit and hate behind the confidence of a computer screen. One by one I have left SO many mom groups on facebook and communities on the web in an attempt to avoid this kind of drama. Its unfortunate as these are supposed to be welcoming places where we help each other through difficult transitions during pregnancy, after birth and into parenthood. But, instead they almost immediately with every controversial post from birth choices, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, babywearing, circumcision, etc. etc. become a war zone of women belittling each other... making themselves feel better by putting down the other. My friend Cheri put it best, "so many women viewing others as the enemy, when we are all the same. Equal, and breathing life into a little soul whether its pushing or pulling them across the threshold of two worlds."
My births have changed SO MUCH since my first experience... With Izzaq I did whatever they told me including early induction and epidural... it was slow going but easy and pretty much pain free... With Zavery - I was a little more apprehensive, but still went along when they suggested a later induction & then an epidural that didn't work... it all totally backfired and I should have stood up for myself. With Rozz (after the hell labor that was Zavery's) I stuck to my guns but had to be induced. This time having a natural unmedicated birth with the max dose of pitocin causing my contractions to come so fast and hard I couldn't even take a breath in between. I went from 4cm to holding her in 45 minutes... With this one - I will not be induced unless absolutely proven to be medically necessary/at risk... I DO NOT want pitocin and will not have an epidural. None of those has anything to do with a hero cookie - or bragging about taking the pain. It has to do with taking control of something that my body has been built to do... that hospitals keep getting in the way of. I have educated myself in so many ways regarding birth and decided that my PERSONAL CHOICE is to avoid as many interventions as possible... be it side effects to me or to baby... PERSONALLY, I think avoiding those is worth the pain... and when women bashing each other turn that personal choice of mine into some sort of contest for bragging rights it is seriously offensive. I wish that the women making comments like this would come out from behind their screens and think about it they have the guts to talk like that to our faces.
These mommy wars need to stop. Its sickening... if we would spend more time supporting and defending each other the world would be a MUCH better place. My personal choices don't have to be yours... your personal choices don't have to be mine. That is OK. I don't understand when it became this constant challenge and contest to be the only right one with the correct opinion. What works for one person may not work for the other and as moms we need to come together and support one another - NO MATTER THE SCENARIO. What ever happened to the days of saying "it takes a village to raise a child?" At the rate things are going the current mommy village is one filled with hate and competition and through that we will be raising our kids that we're fighting so hard to protect to be the same way. Teach love, teach support, teach understanding... and lets try to come together rather then push each other away.
Rozzlyn's Birth - 10/30/2011
