Squarespace Blog / "skull and crossbones"
Judging a book by its cover.
Today there was an older woman at breakfast - staring me down walking in with Rozz and Zaq. She was VISIBLY and dramatically shaking her head in disgust saying "oh my, oh my." Yes. I know. You think I'm a freak show and a horrible mother because I am tattooed. Right? Because clearly anyone that looks like I do has to be a bad mom. I hope I can raise my kids to be a kinder human than she was acting and to not judge a book by its cover. As much as I HATE to care what people think, when I am with my kids - it is hard not to. Trust me, I have enough reasons that I feel like not-so-supermom on a regular basis... I don't need a random stranger rolling her eyes at me just because of the way I look. I should also add - I walked in wearing a maxi skirt to the floor... and a striped tank top. Nothing revealing, trashy, inappropriate... etc.
My daughter was perfectly well behaved the whole time, even stopped breakfast for a quick potty break. She is 2 and a half. We spent the time at the table playing games, practicing colors (yes she knows them all) and picking out letters in the word find on the coloring sheet. I caught the woman looking back at us 3-4 times while we were there. I can only hope that she was thinking "wow, polite kid" or something of the sort. Judge me all you want, I guess. But what I fear most is that someone would pity my kids because of their poor stereotype of me. My children are very fortunate *spoiled* kids... have everything the need and more... are fed very balanced and usually home cooked meals... spend summer days outside and at the library... are all wildly smart and polite... we're doing something right, damn it. Maybe not everything right, but something. And of all the things we're probably doing wrong - I hope one things sticks in the lessons that we teach. Do NOT judge a book by its cover. Its hurtful, its wrong, and its unfair.
So many people asked me, "why didn't you say something to her, I would have went off." Now, while that would probably be immediately cathartic - its short term. I refuse to do anything that would give people like her even the slightest truth to her stereotype. She is already assuming things about me because of my tattoos... That I am harsh maybe? Mean? Aggressive? Rude? I don't know. I didn't ask... but reacting to her in any way but the smile I gave as I walked by would only give her more things to assume... That get's me nowhere and just means next time she see's someone tattooed she will have the same look of disgust and assumptions. So tattooed friends... judged friends... Im asking you - lets do what we can to break our stereotypes. When someone is giving you a dirty look, or making a rude comment under their breath - kill them with kindness. Flash them a smile, say something kind, or just keep walking. I can't help but think one by one we can hopefully begin to change the minds of the people passing judgement. Worst case scenario, even if it doesn't work we have saved ourselves from some unnecessary and undeserved stress and drama of bickering with someone too closed minded to see the beauty and love in the art on our bodies.
RockerByeMama's Top 5 Baby Gear Wants.
Baby Zrust #4 is on the way - that's no secret anymore...
With that comes the instant need to BUY ALL THE THINGS! Its amazing how after 3 kids I still get excited about gear. But... with all the time I have spent behind the scenes with MommyCon... I get to see all the best stuff out there. Its fair to say this baby has great taste. I've been pinning all night and thought all my favorites belong right here. So here it goes!
#1: 4Moms - rockaRoo... "The rockaRoo™ flips the swing on its head. Literally. It rocks like a rocking horse, which maximizes the sensation of motion for your baby." 5 speeds, mp3 player, removable toys... Need. We had the MamaRoo with Rozz and ready to try out the newest one!
Photo credit from 4moms website. Click photo to go to the 4moms website.
Photo credit to Boon, Inc. Website. Click the photo to visit.
#2: Boon - Flair HighChair... "No cracks. No crevices. Therefore, no abyss full of crumbs. This one-piece seat is the sleekest, smoothest thing going and it makes cleanup unbelievably easy. Its dishwasher-safe tray cover actually fits in a dishwasher. And the continuous height positioning with pneumatic lift is just a fancy way of saying you can pick the exact height you want to fit your table." Our chair has finally bit the dust. Its 7 years old but its been scrubbed as many times as it can. This guy isn't coming clean... time for an upgrade! I will also take all the other things from Boon... like - all the things. I went nuts on the plates, utensils, etc. last time... this time I just want it all. Oh, and especially the Glo :) SO RAD!!!!!
#3: Joovy - Caboose: AHHHHHHHH GENIUS!! I am about to be a mom of 4 kids. FOUR!! I am a big baby wearer... but sometimes you just need a good stroller to help get you where you need to go and this is the one. One of the big kids can stand in the back... a little in the front. One in a ring sling - holy cow - makes me feel like super mom thinking of all the things I could get done when my kiddos don't want to walk. And my favorite new feature is the add on Caboose Too Seat... All you do is attach it to the back bench and it adds another full seat that reclines AND has a 5 point harness. SO SO SO awesome...
#4: Clek - Tokidoki Foonf: Does this seat really need an introduction? Those of you that have been around for awhile probably know my wild love affair with Tokidoki... so much so that I will eventually have a full right arm sleeve of it. (If I'm ever not pregnant long enough, lol) When I saw this seat it was no doubt that it would have to be mine... *ahem* I mean... the baby's seat. Yeah. Its basically the greatest seat - of all seats... ever. Clek's have more than earned their reputation for being super safe and allowing extended rear facing... I have the high back booster in Rebel... this guy will be next on the list.
#5: Medela - Freestyle Hands Free Double Electric Pump: The cadillac of pumps... Always rated at the tippy top of the charts. My middle son wouldn't nurse and sadly I didn't have a pump. My first son was such a champ I didn't ever think of it being a possible issue. Dumb. By the time I got a good pump... After spending countless hours hand pumping myself into a bottle - my milk was dried up... I gave up and still feel like I failed him... :(
With Rozz I had a hand me down pump from my BFF and was overly prepared and didn't really need it. This time around I want to be ready just in case baby 4 doesn't want to nurse. (Though this time I am a lot more educated on ways to help him/her out with that). I work in the office SO MUCH and a good pump for when daddy wants to give a bottle would be amazing... and if I could sew while Im pumping... even better.
So that's the list friends... I have tried a LOT of products over the years... and there are few that I will stand behind. But after lots and LOTS of research... these are my top 5 gear items for baby #4. If you have any to add PLEAES let me know below! Would love to hear your input.
Rainbow Sorbet and Unicorns for the win.
I am so in love with this print. I wish someone would order bedding out of it! Until then I will just have to enjoy the many MANY blanket orders that come in with this very popular print. Its fun to see how people decide to pair it together with the minky :) Get your own here.
RockerByeButtons, need anything?
Just wanting to post a quick update for RockerByeButtons. The button shop is still going strong and if you need anything - don't hesitate to ask! We have so many options available and have been having a blast making custom orders. We recently did a set for Paper & Plastick! That was pretty rad. If you like them, you can get your own pack here.
Need to make an order for your own custom button pack? No problem. You can do that at www.rockerbyebaby.com/buttons or www.rockerbyebuttons.etsy.com
Guest Blogger: WHY I AM AGAINST CELEBRATING NORMAL
Guest post by the wonderful NikkiCupcake. This post - while potentially controversial hits close to home with me. I have one super smart though very "normal" child... and one very high needs, sensory processing issues, emotional issues, behavioral issues child... Yes, one probably gets more special attention than the other. Why? Because he needs it. Maybe not even MORE attention, but a different type of attention. Maybe that makes me a bad mom... but the idea that I can teach, treat, and reward them the same is unrealistic - and I truly believe that unless you're in the position of having a high needs child, its hard to understand. Anyways - I'm rambling and you haven't even read the post yet... Carry on ;)
"Lately I’ve been seeing blog posts/comments/articles that say we need to celebrate “regular” or “normal” children. This gets me going in ways I couldn’t explain. I mean at first I totally got it. I thought “Oh that’s cool” considering media is filled with stories about mirco preemies, Autism, and a slew of other issues children may face. Coming from a mother with not 1 but 2 special needs kids (and no they are not on the spectrum (yet another story for another time)) I thought it was cool….. at first.
See as a mother of a special needs child I’ve entered a world of what ifs. Between the special needs sports programs we are involved with and school I see how important it is to celebrate those baby steps forward. I am lucky that Aiden will have a bright, “mainstreamed” future, and Cami we’re still figuring out. Many families are not as lucky. The high fives Cami got for peeing in the potty this morning, some kids will never get. That praise though is going to make Cami want to use the potty. As with ANY child positive reinforcement will go a long way. So I totally get celebrating “regular” or “normal” children.
But that’s not the issue here. The issue is a bunch of jealous parents got together and said “Why do we hear about kids with x, y or z problem?” “My child deserves praise too!” You are right you do deserve praise! But have you put your life and career on hold so your child could get early intervention sessions 5 days a week? Have your child’s issues ripped your family apart? Have you cried yourself to sleep because someone couldn’t give you an answer on what’s wrong with your child? Have you had to fight for every service your child gets? No offence or anything, but I think special needs children (and parents) need a little bit more praise. (Oh and I also have a “normal” child too!)
Maybe the nation and media isn’t giving your “normal” child the attention you think they deserve, which they do deserve because each child is a bright star in a universe of darkness. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be making up for it. You shouldn’t need someone else to celebrate your child, you as a parent need to celebrate your child. See us, special needs parents understand how hard those baby steps really are. That’s why we get together to celebrate our special children, and celebrate other special needs children. So seriously stop the “let’s celebrate normal kids too” bs. Celebrating normalness has gotten us nowhere as a society."
Now, while I don't necessarily agree with the entire post, or the last couple sentences, I do understand her point here. Yes, in my opinion "normal" kids deserve special attention, too... of course... and don't worry - my "normal" kid gets plenty of it... but it's different. Yesterday my son with major sensory issues ran out with a group of kids and played in a firehose. Freezing water and lots of it. He hates 2 things (he hates a lot of things but these two especially) When his clothes don't feel perfect on him (like soaking wet or even a twisted seam) and hates being cold. HATES being cold. On an 85 degree day he will be in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. For my "normal" kid running to a fire hose spraying water isn't a big deal... he's messing around and having fun with his friends. When my "sensory needs" kid came running back I gave him a wet hug and told him how proud of him I was. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was. I know how hard that was for him and I was so proud of him for doing something that I know made him totally uncomfortable and going outside the box to try to have some fun. So, again... I realize that this may be a controversial post so I am asking that you please be kind in your responses. Rude comments will be deleted.
